Friday, March 26, 2010
The beginning of beginnings and the beginning of the End
It's hard for me to even start this post...and I'm not even sure I'll be able to make sense to someone else reading it... My beloved dog, best friend, and 3rd member of the "My Boys blog", Buddy, is dying. I used to joke that he was going to have to live forever, because I didn't want to imagine my life without him, but now I'm having to prepare for just that. Buddy hasn't been well lately- he has barely eaten and is very lethargic. I took him to the vet and did not get good news. Unfortunately, the vet doesn't seem to think he has long to live and that it's most likely cancer. The only way we would know for sure is to run more tests and do surgery- which I don't want to put my sweet dog through. He is almost 13 years old, and he has been too good to me to put him through all of that. I think of all of the years that he has been by my side, through good and bad, and it breaks my heart to think about not getting to share life with him. He has been the kindest, most gentle dog to Christian and all little babies and kids that have come through the house. I never had to worry about him hurting anyone...only them possibly hurting him. Even as I write this now, Buddy chooses to sit in the same room with me. When I look over at him, he looks up at me..still adoringly...despite everything. I am crushed to think that Peanut may never get a chance to meet the gentle soul that Buddy is. How am I going to do this without him? Do you know that when I was in labor with Christian, Charles filmed some footage of Buddy running around joyfully in the backyard, put it on a loop and played it for me in the hospital? It brought me comfort every time I had a contraction or needed peace. Sigh. I have the most beautiful memories of this dog and I know that I'll always have that, but I am sad that I won't always have him...to kiss the tips of his super-soft ears, to rub my thumb across the little noggin on his head, to see the jowls which always seemed to be smiling and the tender looks whenever I needed a good cry...He is the essence of unconditional love.
Despite the heart wrenching news about Buddy, I had a weekend that was all about Peanut, and it was beautiful! I needed this weekend to refuel and motivate me. It started on Saturday with my family baby shower. It was held at my good friend Karen's house...and house is probably an understatement. She has a gorgeous home- more an estate, really, that despite it's size is warm and feels well lived in. She, my Mom, and my friend Larissa (who always brings the BEST food, thanks to her talent for running a tasty restaurant) put together an absolutely beautiful day filled with people I love, great food, flowers, favors, my favorite cupcakes, and a literal shower of gifts to help bring Peanut comfortably into the world. All I can say is thank you...and WOW. As if that wasn't enough...Sunday, was also a treat. My friends from Stroller Strides, (who have been an amazing support to me through all child-raising experiences thus far and especially through absorbing the news about Peanut's diagnosis), threw a pre-baby brunch at John O'Groats. The food was fabulous (shout out here for the Huevos O'Groats!!), the company fun, and the gifts generous...not to forget to mention that my favorite cupcakes made another appearance- Woo hoo! I am honestly humbled by all of the outpouring of love and support.
So the last 3 days seemed to be big markers for me: the beginning of the End for my beloved dog, and the beginning of the beginning for my beloved Peanut (who will now probably always be known as Peanut, even after we choose an actual name!) It is sweet...and bittersweet at the same time.