Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Finding the "Me" in "Me and My Boys"

I've been re-prioritizing. I took that list of resolutions I had loftily set for myself this year and I crumpled it up and had a serious talk with myself: What is the reality, and what is the goal? Because amidst those goals- even the fully re-prioritized ones, there is LIFE. I don't even just mean the day to day "stuff"...although that is plenty in, and of, itself. I mean the LIFE that throws the curve balls. It could be the $2000 furnace that dies on the coldest day of the year or a car accident that stops you in your tracks and reminds you to say 'I love you' every. single. moment you can. I'm deep into what I need to be focusing on and riding the wave of LIFE all at the same time.

When I was 23, I was all about self reflection. I wanted to be a better person. I needed to be a better person. And I was hell bent on finding out who I am? and going from there. I can honestly say that I'm grateful and glad that those were my early years...because there sure isn't time to do that stuff as a Mom of two, with a business and a job and a kid (and sometimes even kidS) that need somewhere between a little and a lot of extra help.However, I'm back in a season of seeing myself and what I'm willing to live with and what I wouldn't be able to stand letting "be".

I'm a strong personality. I have "opinions" about almost everything, and even some that I've caught myself weighing in on, which I really have no knowledge or business weighing in on...I've become aware of it and have realized that I'm not okay with that status quo. So, I'm trying to take that breath, wait that moment, or not share "how I feel about it" each and every time. I'm a work in progress. It's humbling.

There is "stuff" going on right now, and I've put off writing a lot this last month because it was going to be the Mother-of-all-posts otherwise, and frankly, that goes against my instinct to talk less and listen more. So for now, I'm leaving it short and sweet: I want to be more than I am, for me- for my family- for my friends, but it's not an overnight process. In between my "me work", there is LIFE. Basically, I'm struggling with accepting my shortcomings and then defying them all at the same time.

I can't end this post without just a quick Halloween photo. My firstborn is and always has been the brain behind any family costume idea we have. This year, he wanted to be a Police Officer. This surprised me, but then I got the real scoop: "A Police Officer has a walkie talkie!" (Cue the relief that he didn't say "gun") When I asked what his younger brother should be, he replied without a beat. "Elijah should be the bad guy." So, here it is.


I went as an FBI agent, which now seems especially appropriate. More life investigating to do.
To be continued...