Friday, March 19, 2010


(33 weeks pregnant)

I. woke. up. with. pink. eye.

I should probably laugh... And it's a small thing, but it means more isolation and trying to balance taking care of myself and a clingy toddler. I'm not even fully recovered from this cold I have (which, luckily did not turn out to be Strep Throat.) Speaking of clingy toddlers... I am really feeling the parent guilt about Christian these days. He is clearly going through something. Maybe it's some sense that things in his world are about to change with a new baby on the horizon. Maybe he's sensitive to the roller coaster of emotions that are taking place in our home- it's probably a little of both. But, it worries me. When I dropped him off at drop-in daycare the other day, the teacher asked Christian, "Are going to be a big brother soon?" and he said, "No! I'm little!" She responded perfectly by saying, yes you are, and no matter how much you grow you will always be your Mommy's baby. (Which is exactly what I say to him.)Then, apparently after I left, he hit a younger kid in the head with a wooden block. And he's been hitting me a lot when he's frustrated. This is not something we were seeing much of even a month ago. I think I'm being pretty consistent with the discipline, but it's distressing to see him being so frustrated, clingy and aggressive. When he gets upset, he only wants "Mama"- which has been really tough since I'm sick and trying not to spread my germs to him.

I'm about to head off to yet another doctor appointment. Today I'm seeing my OB. It turns out that these twice weekly hospital visits are supposed to include a Non Stress Test (which lasts anywhere from 20 min-1 hour) and then a Bio Physical Profile (Ultrasound) which lasts another 30 minutes at least. On Monday, when I did these tests and had wait time in between, I was at the hospital for 3 hours. I can't do it!! I can't be at the hospital 6 hours a week, plus the 30 min each way commute AND see my OB and Perinatolgist each week AND work 2 jobs AND run my business AND be a Mom to Christian, a wife to Charles and somehow take care of myself in all of this. It's really too much...and it gets even harder to be supportive of all of this precautionary testing when Peanut seems to be happy as a clam...outside of the fact that he has Down syndrome, this really does not feel like a high risk pregnancy! I'm going to talk to Dr. Ballet about it next week when I see him again. (He's the one ordering all of this testing.) Once I conclude my client contracts for my business in the middle of April, I'll be able to take on the additional part-time job of attending unending doctor visits and precautionary testing. Until then, I just can't do it. I thought I already cried Uncle. So, just in case, "UNCLE!!!! UNCLE!!!!"

Okay. Now I've vented, my eye is slightly less red and goopy and swollen and I've got about 30 minutes free before I have to leave for my doctor appointment, so I'm going to take a nap (Christian is at daycare again, where I'm praying he doesn't hit anyone, make snotty faces or throw tantrums the whole time. What happened to my sweet, sweet little guy??!!)

Next post, I promise, will be more uplifting!

1 comment:

lori said...

you aren't doing this blog to be uplifting and make us feel good. you are doing it to let everyone know what is going on in your life and that isn't always positive. i love hearing about you day and what is going on without hounding you with calls. i love you. xoxoxo

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