Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Remembering my Blessings

Why is it that one piece of concerning news has a way of darkening so many good things? So, instead I'm going to try to focus on the things that have been blessings. First and foremost, I saw my Perinatologist, Dr. Ballet, yesterday and he discovered that the concerns we had with Peanut's trachea and esophagus have completely resolved!! The stomach bubble, which was smaller than it should be, now looks perfect. My "generous" amniotic fluid is now normal (probably one of the only times you DON'T want something to be generous)! This is very good. Can I get a Hallelujah? Quite honestly it's hard to celebrate this, because there is a new possible development. Peanut's liver and spleen are enlarged, which could point to a Preleukemic condition. Dr. Ballet was quick to warn that this does not mean the baby will have Leukemia or develop Leukemia. It means that the baby would be born with an abnormally high white blood cell count (not enough red blood cells). Here is a definition I found online: PreLeukemia- A condition in which the bone marrow does not produce enough blood cells. This condition may progress to become acute Leukemia. Preleukemia is also called myelodysplastic syndrome or smoldering Leukemia. ..........................Great........................................ And to drop a further bomb, if the enlarged state of the liver and spleen continue, I will have to have a c-section. I know that millions of women have c-sections, and that there are even women who opt for, prefer and schedule their c-sections. I am not one of them. I don't really want to have major surgery. Call me crazy, but I hate the idea of being cut open, having my uterus taken out of my body, then later put back in and sewn shut. (I am shuddering and closing my eyes.) I want my baby Peanut to have the best possible chances at everything, given that because of his Down syndrome, he will be at greater risk for everything also. I also hate the idea of not being able to hold my baby right away, or to start trying to nurse right away. Okay...moving on to a new subject, because just writing this down is starting to make me panic.

So, back to the blessings...one possible medical condition has already resolved itself, so why can't this one resolve itself too? I invite anyone who believes in the power of prayer to add Peanut's new possible condition to your prayer lists. Secondly, my pregnancy continues to be an easy one- no major issues, no major weight gain, basically life "as usual" for the most part. Which is great- I need some things to be "as usual" right now. I was also thrown a baby shower by the dance studio that I teach ballet for. A large group of my ballet students (aged 6-18) and their Moms, got together with the owner and threw a super-sweet shower for me on Sunday. I only welled up a couple of times, which was really good considering how blessed I feel and...well, also how hormonal I feel! I really didn't think I should have a second baby shower since I was having another boy. But the truth is, we definitely need some things and the showers make a huge difference! (We're already worried enough as it is about finances, more medical bills, additional therapies and me being out of work for a couple of months recovering from giving birth...NATURALLY...(I'm practicing 'putting it out there' now.)

So, ultimately the blessings stack up higher than the "possible" negatives. I am going to need to remind myself of this daily, because the negatives are throwing around some pretty scary, powerful words (Leukemia, C-section). I keep trying to focus on Dr. Ballet, who looked me dead in the eyes and told me that I should not worry about this yet, and that he wanted to be clear in what he's telling me. He plans to have some articles or explanation of this stuff for me at my next visit. He is amazing. He is clearly talented at his work, and as my nickname for him indicates, he used to be a dancer. My brilliant, dancing perinatologist. You gotta be able to trust that, right??!!

Well, Peanut is nudging me in the ribs...probably because it's way past bedtime. And my body has a baby's liver and spleen to normalize, so I better get some more sleep.

1 comment:

P said...

I concur, and couldn't even consider an amnio! Ha

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