Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Vulnerable

I am a weeping mess. It is 4:31am. My throat is so sore that it feels like it is on fire and it actually seems to be getting worse with each passing day. It has woken me up in the middle of the night for the last two nights. Last night, I woke up just in time to get freaked out by the mild earthquake we had. I immediately found my flashlight and slept with it the rest of the night.

Only my family really knows this: I am a sleeper. I don't have issues with sleep. Ever. If I have 20 minutes for a nap, I can power down for 15-19 minutes of it. So, when I'm not sleeping, it distresses me. Charles does have issues with sleep, so he was up when I woke up. He kept asking if he could do anything for me. I replied, "Do you have a magic wand?" Much to my amusement, he pulled out some scepter prop he'd made for a play and waved it around. We swung it around a few extra times for good measure...Tonight, I woke up with pain so bad that I just couldn't settle myself. I'm crying "Uncle" and going in to the doctor first thing in the morning. So, for now, I'm waiting for the one Tylenol I took to kick in and I'm drinking Chamomile tea. What I wouldn't give for 4 Advil and some sore throat spray, though...

So, it's 4:36am and I'm blogging and Googling and perusing other blog links. And weeping. Because I feel vulnerable. Because I can't do anything about it. Because I worry for Peanut. There it is...the unknowns of raising a baby with Down syndrome, the challenges, the delays...I'm mostly pretty centered about it, but it is impossible to deny my Mothering nature completely. So, I weep a little. But, not too much or for too long, because that makes my throat hurt more. I'm fine as long as I don't swallow. I'll let you know how that goes...(You'll notice that this tactic is not going to be listed under "Things that will improve a sore throat.") Sigh.

Well, my one Tylenol and chamomile tea seem to be sort of kicking in (or maybe it was the magic scepter)- at least enough for me to start feeling sleepy again. Hopefully by the next time I post, I'll be rid of this sore throat and back to feelin' good! Nighty (rest of the) night!

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