"This baby is perfectly healthy. We don't need to see you back here unless you haven't had the baby by next Friday...and I think you'll have the baby by then." These are the words that struck reality into my heart today during my last visit with Dr. Ballet. Oh, God. I'm not ready. ...But, I'm also so excited...nervous...happy...terrified. I think it's only parenthood that introduces you to that range of all-at-once conflicting, yet totally harmonious set of feelings.
I've already been in a near manic state of trying to get everything done. I did succeed in having the 5 ballet parties this weekend, and they were amazing! I don't exactly know how it all got pulled off, but the end result was a fun, bonding time had by all. Christian was in heaven the whole weekend- a constant flow of doting, adoring ballet girls- who could blame him? I'm not sure I've ever seen him have so much fun, and he followed whatever they did: he played Twister, Limbo and Musical Chairs as though he'd been doing it his whole life. He sat with the girls around the fire at night and roasted marshmallows (assisted) to make s'mores (even though he only got to eat the graham cracker.) It was truly adorable and I had a little break from the need for full Mommy attention. A true highlight was mid-way through the weekend, during a party with my Ballet 3 girls (aged approximately 8-11,) a blue and white parakeet flew into our yard and came to say hi. It even landed on Christian's head!! He didn't react to the bird landing, but then the girls started screaming, "Christian!!!" and he got freaked and shook it off. Even though it's sad that someone's pet was loose, it was a very cool thing to have that little bird visit. I've really never been a fan of birds as pets (call it childhood parakeet trauma) but this little bird actually seemed so smart and sweet.
Monday brought me back to reality. I went into final event crunch, and got a surprising amount done. I also had to handle one really unhappy task on Monday. I had to pick up Buddy's ashes. They presented "him" to me in a little cedar box, locked, with "Buddy" engraved on a gold plaque on the top. It was a little bit of a relief because I really wasn't sure what to expect. Half of me thought they were just going to hand him to me in a ziplock bag. I cried carrying him out to the car and for a long time afterward. We are trying to figure out what feels right to honor the place he had in our life- a backyard burial? Some words said? We'll figure it out in time, when it feels right.
So, I'm in the home stretch of pregnancy and it's really sinking in. My new friend, Kindred, who is also due with a baby boy who has an extra chromosome, and was due just 5 days before me, may have even had her baby boy by now. I haven't heard a follow up yet, but she was having contractions and was considering a visit to the hospital if they kept getting closer together. She's been on my mind a lot and I'm praying that her birth experience was (or is, if it hasn't happened yet) smooth. And I'm praying for myself to stay strong against all of the hospital nonsense that seems to come along with having a baby these days. My own OB even brought up the word "induce". Uh...no...certainly not something I'm willing to even consider before my due date arrives. Especially, if I'm gonna do this drug free. I'll be cramming as if for a final exam to learn any breathing and position tools that can to help me with this. In the end, I know it's going to suck and it will be really, really painful. But, I won't die and it is just pain...which always has an end.
Now, I'm off to pack a bag for the hospital and to get some sleep- much more to do tomorrow! :)