Sunday, April 4, 2010

An Empty House

My house feels so empty. Buddy, my loyal, faithful, loving dog died on Saturday and I can't relive the details right now to even begin to share. My eyes literally hurt from crying so long. I look like I've been punched in the face a few times. It's not a good look for me. I think I may have relapsed with Pink Eye again, my throat is sore and I'm not sure if it is from all the crying, allergies or an actual infection. One of the hardest parts, is that when you're a Mom you can't just break down and lose it. I have to try not to cry ALL of the time, because it would totally freak Christian out. He's young enough that he doesn't really understand. He asks "Where's Buddy?" and I just say, "Well, we're very sad because we miss him, but he won't be coming home. He went to Heaven with God." Then we had to reassure his further questions: "Is Mommy coming home?" "Is Daddy coming home?" "Is Christian coming home?" Poor little guy has been watching us cry all weekend, and we just explain when he sees it that "We're sad." I just feel so, so tired now.

I'm trying to focus on all of the good things. Buddy was a true blessing to me and despite all of the grief, the overwhelming feeling I have is one of gratitude. I am so grateful that he was put into my life. Even to his dying moment, he was making sure I was okay. He literally died with one eye focused on me. Not everyone gets to have a companion experience like I did...But, there are those who have, and their words bring me a little comfort. I am going to go to sleep now, and the only thing I dread is the waking up in the morning and remembering that my house is a little emptier than it was 2 days ago.

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