Musical Theater as a Positive

It was a big week.  Starting with Easter... The best news and the true spirit of Easter shone brightly because I've finally found a church that I think would be a great church home for me!!! I have been looking for a new church for quite some time and though I've met some lovely congregations, I had yet to find what I was looking for: Great teaching, great community, kids programs, and a balance between traditional and contemporary services.  I know it's a lot to ask for, and I was willing to compromise on the extras...mostly I wanted to feel like I was getting great teaching and a great community. I walked into this small church, with lovely architecture (just a small bonus), was greeted warmly at the door and took a seat in the crowded sanctuary.  The service began with a hymn, then moved to a contemporary song...so far, so good.  Then the pastor burst out in song, a la musical theater style and had me at hello.  I need to preface this by saying that I have never been a fan of theatrics in church.  They often come across as embarrassingly awkward or overly professional and sometimes insincere.  This musical theater number did the balance just right.  It was homespun, yet cleverly written.  Everyone could carry a tune and the song was upbeat and fun.  I laughed out loud more times than I could count.  I mean, come on...what kicks Easter off better than a musical theater number at church?? Ha ha. The pastor's Easter service sermon was inspiring and engaging and I left feeling like I had found a home.  The cherry on top was the experience at the nursery. When I dropped Elijah off at the nursery, I noticed that all of the other babies were walkers. I asked if it was going to be alright that I leave Elijah there, since he didn't walk or even crawl yet. The nursery volunteer pointed to an Exersaucer and said, "Can he be in there?"  I said, "No, He's not strong enough for that yet, but he could be in the swing."  The other nursery volunteer looked skeptically at Elijah and said, "Is he gonna cry?"  I smiled and said, "I highly doubt it.  He's one of the happiest babies you'll ever meet."  The first volunteer offered to take Elijah from me, and as soon as she did, he melted right into her and her eyes got wide. "Oh...how sweet...I may just stay like this the whole time. What a cuddler!"  By the time I came to pick him up, he was in the swing, with the volunteer sitting happily in front of him.  When she saw me she said, "I am in love.  He is the happiest baby I think I have ever met. What a doll!"  What Mom doesn't light up at hearing those words? I was beaming. It was the perfect start to a beautiful Easter and I couldn't have been happier.

Despite all of the birthday craziness, I managed to color a few eggs and pulled together a little Easter treat for my family: Little individually wrapped nests with a chocolate bunny and chocolate eggs inside. 

We celebrated the holiday with my family, and my Mom donned her awesome Grandma hat, and provided an egg hunt for the Grandkids.  

Though it's not the true spirit of Easter, who doesn't love an egg hunt?!


I have to wonder if turning one lit the fire under Elijah's milestone ticker, because this week has been a doozy!  We started the week with his one year well-baby check up and he gained 1 pound, 2 ounces and grew an inch and a quarter- yay for growth!! Monday night, he was fussier than normal and I thought it was perhaps due to the shot he had gotten at the pediatrician's office earlier that day.  I gave him a little Tylenol, put him to sleep and thought nothing of it until the morning.  Randomly, I ran my finger in his mouth and...voila! Finally- after one full year, Elijah has his first tooth!!!!  Well...technically he has the start of the first tooth.  He has a teeny tiny little sharp nub that has broken the surface.  I can't even get a picture of it, much less see it, because either his tongue is covering it or his lips are covering it and I can never quite get a glimpse.  But it is there. First tooth.  It's a big deal. :)

Later in the week, Elijah decided to add scooting and waving to his repertoire.  I got a video of the scooting. Uploaded it to You Tube. And...the entire thing is filmed sideways. So frustrating.  My phone camera only allows for videos that are filmed by holding the phone horizontally.  I had forgotten that small detail and now will have to re-create the entire scooting sensation!  Hopefully if Elijah cooperates there will be video to come!  The waving is about the most adorable thing I've seen, but it is elusive. Can't get a picture fast enough, can't get a video.  But boy is he proud when he does it!!  I shriek with joy each time I get him to wave and he is getting more and more confident with it.  It has morphed into a two handed wave- with both hands waving at once and I love it! New tooth, scooting to get to his toys, and waving hello- what a way to start out year one!

Unfortunately, Charles has been really sick lately.  He finally took some time to get to a doctor and was diagnosed with Walking Pneumonia on Thursday.  I have to tell you that I am a little terrified.  I'm trying not to be.  Trying to keep my cool, but I can't help worrying about Elijah.  Children with Ds are in an immuno-suppressed risk group.  Their chances of getting sick and staying sick are much higher than most.  Yesterday Elijah had a fever of 101.2.  Nothing too scary, but coupled with a small, infrequent cough, I'm keeping a vigilant watch.  Ironically enough, Elijah's shot on Monday was for pneumonia.  I don't know if that means it put him more at risk or less right now.  If it weren't the dozens of Moms I know who regularly fight the battles of constant infections, viruses and immuno-related issues with their kids with Ds, then I might not worry.  Infectious disease specialists & hematologists seem to be par for the course and I'm terrified of it all.  Elijah woke up today in good spirits, ate a great breakfast, has no fever, but does seem a little more tired than normal.  Breathe in, breathe out,  I'm telling myself.  If Christian had these symptoms I wouldn't think twice.  With Elijah, I do have to think twice, though.  Often it won't be anything, but I know as his Mom, thinking twice is going to come with the territory a little more than it does with Christian.

Birthday season continues and tomorrow if everyone is well, we'll be joining good friends in wishing their one year old and four year old happy birthdays! (Well, I'll be there no matter what as I'm coordinating the party for them, but I'm hoping my boys are there to enjoy it too!)  We're also quickly approaching Christian's birthday.  The invitations have been sent and he is counting down the days...Is it tomorrow? Is it Saturday? Is it next week?  We're doing a "Fancy, Pool, Costume Party" for him.  If you're familiar with Mo Willems book, "I Am Invited To A Party" then you know all about it.  The book was a favorite of Christian's and the concept is brilliant: What do you wear to a party when you don't know what kind of party it is? All of it, of course! So, we're working on finding Christian's fancy, pool, costume outfit and he's really into it.  Yesterday he tried on a leopard party hat (with ears) that said, "Party Animal" and some over-sized adult polka dot glasses and declared, "I want to wear this to my party Mommy!"  I love my son's sense of humor.  I love that he has a sense of humor.  And I'm thrilled that we crack each other up.  He starts laughing, then I start laughing, then we're both laughing because the other one is laughing. I find myself appreciating Christian as a person these days, and getting little glimpses of a true big boy.

Putting my fears aside, and trying to focus on the positive. The awesome week of milestones we had.  The fun I'm having with Christian.  Our first full year with Elijah.  And maybe it's because of the musical theater influence at my new church, but I find myself humming the tune to "One" from A Chorus Line.  Interestingly enough, if you change the "she" to "he" it is strangely appropriate for my littlest man. And THAT is the positive.

One singular sensation, every little step he takes
One thrilling combination, every move that he makes
One smile and suddenly nobody else will do
You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who

One moment in his presence and you can forget the rest
For the boy is second best to none, son
Oooh! Sigh! Give him your attention
Do. I. really have to mention..... He...... is...... one. 

I added the periods and note holds, cuz if you're gonna write it, you gotta write it like you sing it. Right? Write.

One.

It was a magical weekend.  I'm almost too tired to write, but want to get down all of my thoughts about it too much, not to.  Elijah turned one this last week.  I really can't believe how fast this year has flown.  From birth to now, Elijah has captured our hearts and challenged us to live each day as he does: happily. It's impossible not to smile around him.  And he seemed to be in especially good spirits (despite no morning nap) on his Birthday party day!  We threw a party...what I like to call, The Retro Comic Book Superhero party....because he is my little superhero, with his super power being his Super-Smile!

It was months of planning, weeks of preparation, and the last week of diligent focus to pull off all of the ideas that swirl through my party planner head.  The toughest part about it all, was that we couldn't possibly invite everyone we would have wanted to be there.  I have close friends- VERY close friends who did not receive an invite, in my efforts to keep it "Babies and their Families" only.  Christian was allowed a couple of friends who do not have young siblings, but pretty much everyone else was the 18 month or younger set. Not to mention astronomical costs in doing an actual Birthday party- especially when you're someone like me, who plans and designs parties for my clients all year long.  I kept this on a small budget, doing all of the work and cooking myself (with the help from a few family members and friends, of course)!  There was a point where I really thought I had lost my mind and would never be able to pull this off.  The morning of the birthday party came and we were miraculously (and just barely) ready. The scene was set:

There was a dessert table, with cake...

And cupcakes (homemade by Nana)...

Little centerpieces that I made out of foam, covered water bottles and party favors- a bag of caramel corn for the adults and a Ka-Pow tshirt for the babies and youngest kids...

Elijah seemed to love every minute of it!

Christian was completely blissed out.  He had been looking forward to it for weeks, and apparently the party did not disappoint.

I worked really hard for this party.  I know that Elijah doesn't know what it's all about and will not have a memory of it later in life...or even, say, right now- 2 days later for that matter...but, it is one of the ways I show my love, and ooohhh, do I LOVE this baby boy.

There was a bounce house (as good, if not better than a babysitter, in my humble opinion...), a big kids table, and a hearth filled with some of the most thoughtful, generous gifts a little one year old could receive!

It was perfect. Elijah soaked up every last minute of it, as he was passed from snuggling arms to snuggling arms until he couldn't take it anymore...

We had to wake him up to sing Happy Birthday!  I had wrangled with the decision of what to make Elijah for his first birthday treat.  He can't eat cake yet (no teeth, choking hazard) and he doesn't really put his hands into everything to eat or make a mess, so I was wondering if it was just going to be frustrating to sit him in a chair and watch him do nothing with the food sitting in front of him.  Maybe he would have done something, but I decided he's not really ready for that level of feeding right now anyway, so why force it? I sat him directly on the dessert table while we all sang a hearty rendition of Happy Birthday (with a few "Cha Cha Cha"s thrown in by my oldest west coast nephew. LOL!) instead and it worked just fine!

Elijah was so tired he could barely keep his head up, so we gave hugs and kisses and off he went for a nap while we enjoyed our guests before everyone headed home for naps for their own babies.  My favorite aspect of the party was my photo corner.  I covered a piece of foam core with some black and white polka dot wrapping paper and used it to back a bench in our yard.  As guests came in I asked them to come over to the bench and take a picture and as a result I got beautiful pictures of so many people who were there (of course, somehow my own family is completely absent from these photos. :( No Nana, no PawPaw (he's behind the camera for half of the pictures), no sister and her family, no brother. Yikes!)  Even still, I loved this aspect and am thinking about making it a standard for all of my parties (plus the polka dots carry a feeling of the retro theme, which is a cherry on top for me!!)






By popular demand, I have been asked to reveal what I served for food that day.  It was set up entirely as a brunch: bagels, cream cheese, onions and tomatoes, homemade granola with vanilla yogurt, watermelon, strawberry and blueberry fruit salad, mimosas, juice coffee and the star of the day: the Spinach and Cheese Strata.  It's a recipe that I've made before, but this time my good friend Larissa helped out in the kitchen and whipped up the batches with a few adjustments.  Since I am a true believer in sharing what is good, here is the recipe (originally adapted from Smitten Kitchen):

Spinach and Cheese Strata

Serves 6 to 8
1 (10 ounce) package frozen spinach, thawed, squeeze of all excess liquid, and chopped
1 1/2 cups finely chopped onion (1 large)
1/2 cup chopped white button mushrooms
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
8 cups cubed French or Italian bread in 1-inch cubes (1/2 lb)- Toast in the oven on broil to make the bread more like a crouton
6 ounces coarsely grated Gruyère (2 cups)
2 ounces finely grated parmesan (1 cup)
2 3/4 cups milk
9 large eggs
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

Toast cubed bread on a cookie sheet on broil, and turn for even toasting.

Sauté onion and mushrooms in butter in a large, heavy skillet over medium heat until soft, about 5 minutes. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon pepper and nutmeg and continue cooking for one minute. Stir in spinach, remove from heat and set aside.

Spread one third of the bread cubes in a well-buttered 3-quart gratin dish or other ceramic baking dish. Top with one-half of bread cubes,one-half of spinach mixture and one-half of each cheese. Repeat layering once more with with remaining bread, spinach and cheese.

Whisk eggs, milk, mustard and remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper together in a large bowl and pour evenly over strata. Cover with plastic wrap and chill strata for eat least 8 hours or up to a day.
The next day, let it stand at room temperature for 30 minutes while preheating the oven to 350°F. Bake strata, uncovered, in middle of oven until puffed, golden brown, and cooked through, 45 to 55 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

 Yummy!  (I'm fighting the urge not to go grab the last square of strata in my fridge, calling my name.  But, alas, today 2 different people asked, "So when are you having more (babies)?" after trying to conceal a quick glance to my mid-section.  It's official, this shirt is going in the trash.  I mean it should not even be a Goodwill hand me down.  That would just be cruel.  Because, obviously it is the shirt's fault, and not my 4th extra helping of strata on Saturday...)

It was a day I will cherish forever. My baby boy may not know it now, but one day we'll look back at these pictures and he'll see the love and care I put into this day, and the memory for me will still be sweet...



There is still so much more to say...I haven't even gotten to the part about Easter or Elijah's one year well baby check-up, but I'll have to leave that as the teaser for next time. lest my exhausted, yet satisfied, eyes close on themselves...

So, it's official.

Elijah is...

ONE.

There's Something About Elijah

There was a great Farrelly brothers movie in the late 90's called "There's Something About Mary" about a girl who all the boys fall in love with. I think my youngest son may have his own "Something"...





At first, it was pretty magical. Then, my Mama bear instincts were starting to bristle...I know cows aren't carnivores, but is it going to take a bite out of my baby??!! (I mean, let's face it...he IS delicious!) The first cow was pretty easy going. (Yes...I said first cow.) The second cow was a little more bossy. He (She?) was insisting on checking out the stroller & Elijah and wouldn't leave them alone. I actually started getting pretty nervous. Cows are big animals, and when you've got a big animal following you and your baby, it starts to get a little freaky!





Mm hmm...that is the cow's head stuck deep into the stroller.  Perhaps she wanted a ride? To smell Elijah's diaper? Either way, this was where I started trying to remain calm and not panic.  Kinda crazy...

Elijah wasn't phased by the cows at all.  He didn't cry and didn't seemed bothered by them checking him out.  We were at the farm for a good friend's birthday party.  The farm is called The Gentle Barn and all of the animals that reside there have been rescued from severe abuse.  The animals at Gentle Barn have been rehabilitated through love, trust, forgiveness and courage.  The barn even offers special events to guests with special needs.  It's not hard for me to believe that somehow there is a connection between these animals who seek peace, quiet, comfort and love and find interest in a young baby with Down syndrome, who like all babies seeks much of the same: peace, comfort and love (...maybe not the "quiet" part per se...).  I don't know...I do believe that there is much of this world that we don't fully understand...

Maybe there is something about Elijah...

Or...maybe, to a cow, there is just something about Elijah in a Stroller...

By, complete contrast, I had Christian with me at the farm...



The cows looked at him very skeptically, as if to say, I just don't trust you little man... and to be honest, I can't say they'd be wrong...



The cows wanted nothing to do with Christian...







They couldn't get away fast enough...

But...at least, like Elijah, he didn't cry and didn't seemed bothered by it.

It was a great day to be able to celebrate with our friends and to enjoy the animals (and for the animals to enjoy Elijah...)




Yesterday I took part in a sizzle reel for a potential reality show about a group of Moms who each have a child with special needs. A sizzle reel is a 3-5 minute video to try to develop interest in a product- in this case to develop interest in a potential show. In it, we each read from the poem Welcome to Holland. I was sent this poem shortly after receiving Elijah's Down syndrome diagnosis.  It made me cry and I liked it, except for the very end of the poem. The poem states that finding out your child will have special needs is like planning for a trip to Italy, only to find out you've actually gone to Holland instead.  The end of the poem suggests that the pain of wanting to have had things one way and ending up with them a different way will be a pain that will never ever, ever, ever (yes- 3 evers) go away, because "the loss of that dream is a very, very (yep- 2 verys) significant loss."  I agree most with the very last line: "But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland." I have friends who feel that this poem is exactly how they feel and I completely respect that.  I guess, for me, I can't live in both places- I can't have the pain never, ever, ever, ever go away and be free to enjoy the things that are different all at the same time. Maybe, it's also because Elijah is my second born.  I've been "to Italy", as the poem suggests, so perhaps I feel less like I'm missing out on something?  Either way, I loved the concept for the sizzle reel and am in complete support of a show that would highlight the struggles and challenges of Mothers of children with special needs. I can't think of a single show out there that focuses on this.  Down syndrome is a smaller group than other disabilities, but there are other disabilities- like Autism- that affect huge numbers of people.  So, dealing with special needs in children isn't as uncommon as it once seemed.  I think it's about time it came out of the closet. I think it's about time that parents -who are feeling a range of emotions about what it means to raise a child with special needs: loneliness, fear, and isolation,  to name a few- can  turn to and see what others are dealing with also.  I don't know if anything will happen with this show, but I support the efforts 100% and hope that the time is near for a show of this type- and I hope it's a show done well.  The end of my interview for the sizzle reel was the question What is the most rewarding thing about Elijah?  It was hard not to get choked up when I said, Elijah looks at me like the sun and moon rise and set by my face.  It is the most amazing feeling in the world to be looked at like that. It really makes everything worth it.  
And I meant it. 

There is just something about Elijah...

Birthday "Season"

I'm having a tough time writing right now.  I'm feeling very...well, to coin an old phrase..."Down in the dumps". Is it too melodramatic to say that I feel like we've had our share of challenges the last couple of years?  I step up to the plate, do my best, work my hardest (which is damn hard, I must say) and still come up feeling like we're sinking.  The efforts it's requiring to try to make up for a couple of thousand dollars that needed to go into fixing my car aren't helping anything.  Anyway...just needed to say that I feel a little "blah".  I'm extremely grateful for my family, my friends, the wonderful opportunities I get, and yet I'm feeling weighed down by life and what's required to live modestly in L.A. Okay. It's been said...moving on...

It's birthday "Season". It turns out that when you have a baby, and you meet a bunch of other moms who had a baby at the same time, then having a birthday turns into an entire season.  From the time Christian turned one year old, we were booked from the last weekend in April to the first weekend in June with birthday parties of his little baby "friends". (Of course I put that friends in quotes, because we all know that at one year and less the other babies aren't so much friends, as I am friends with their parents...) Now, we have baby #2, and all of HIS "friends" are having birthdays now too...our season just expanded.  This weekend, we celebrated birthdays of two of Elijah's "friends". (I giggle just a little now, because Christian calls them "Elijah's friends" too.) Yesterday was Benjamin's birthday party.  I have an extra, extra special place in my heart for Benjamin, because I met his Mom while we were both pregnant. We were introduced because we were both expecting around the same time, both expecting boys, and both with a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome for our babies.  I've called her Kindred since day one, and her name is even more cemented now- not only do we have baby boys with designer genes in common- but the girl likes to plan a party like I like to plan a party!!  I give MAJOR props to her party planning skills, as she threw an adorable, super-creative Dr. Seuss themed One year birthday party for her little Benjamin.  He is adorable. She is adorable. The party was adorable.







I really can't believe that Elijah will be one year old in less than two weeks now.  Where has the time gone??
A couple of days ago, I took the boys to the Mexican market on the corner.  We picked up a few items for dinner and stood in line at the checkout counter.  Two women were in front of us- one was very pregnant and the other a Mom, with (I'm guessing) a 2 year old with her.  For the first time, I had strapped Elijah into the stroller without the car seat and car seat adapter.  He looked like a big boy...well, almost.  And my thought was confirmed when the pregnant woman looked over at him, gave a big smile and said, "One year old?"  I nearly fainted.  I think I too-enthusiastically said, "Yes!  11 months!!"  Elijah hasn't really looked anywhere near his age since about 4 months old.  Now he's gaining weight, working on sitting up and checking out many of his surroundings, and though he may not look like all one year olds, he's getting a little closer.  So, I'm working hard...so hard, to prep for a really nice first birthday for him.  The timing is awful for throwing a party with the recent car repair, but I know in 10 years I'll never remember the unexpected car repair bill, but I will remember Elijah's first birthday, and so I'm passionate about making it special.  I'm throwing a "Superhero" party, because I think that Elijah has a "Super-smile".  And in my eyes, he is a superhero- he overcomes obstacles everyday and does it with a smile. It won't be a typical Superhero party- no Batman, Superman, or Spiderman here, but it will be Super none the less.

The trip to the market the other day, had two unexpected aspects.  The first, was the woman who correctly guessed Elijah's age (Still very excited about that, because most people have a stricken look of shock when they ask how old he is...I can physically see their brains computing...wait? How old did she say??) The second unexpected aspect happened as I was finishing up purchasing my groceries. I had Elijah pushed out a little into the open aisle near the exit doors.  Two little boys, probably around 6 or 7 years old were standing in front of Elijah, looking at him. One made a motion to Elijah's glasses and then to himself, almost as if to say Four eyes, and they started laughing hysterically.  I mean they went on and on about it.  Repeatedly saying, Glasses?! Glasses?!  I wanted to say, "Yep, boys.  It's hilarious.  A baby who needs glasses well before most people do, is clearly something to laugh at.  Keep up the good work and you'll get to lead the brigade of insensitivity one day."  But, really, they are just little kids.  Elijah has no idea they are laughing about his glasses. I just sort of smiled, but made a mental note.  Started rehearsing my lines for the day when it will matter.  The day when someone makes fun of either of my little guys and has to deal with me. Me and my words of extreme poignancy, wit, and sting. Because I will have rehearsed them.   I didn't feel the need to strike back at these boys, because it was so silly.  Personally, I think Elijah's cute factor ups significantly in his little blue glasses.  I mean, come on...they are adorable. But then I remember the shame and humiliation I used to feel when I had to wear glasses as a kid.  I thought our world had moved past that.  That now with the variety of really great frames and styles, that having glasses was no more than a necessary accessory.  Or, maybe, I just grew up.  I was semi-prepared to go to battle, when necessary, with potentially ignorant adults, but what to do...what to say when it's little kids that are the cruel ones??  This one is going to require some thought...

Nobody walks in L.A.

I walked to pick Christian up from school, and then we walked home.  This would be a normal statement from nearly anywhere in the country, with probably the exception of L.A..  Nobody walks in L.A. People hike.  People walk the distance from where their car is parked or to get from one bus to another, but people don't really walk to get somewhere in L.A.  It was a beautiful day, with the exception of the 95 degree heat. The walk to Christian's preschool is technically only 1.6 miles each way.  Although walking in 95 degree heat, made it feel twice as far. When Charles was getting ready to take Christian to school in the morning, I told Christian that when I come to pick him up we're going to take a long walk.  His face lit up and his smile widened, "We're going to take a long walk?  A long, long walk??" See, to Christian, it's not about getting somewhere faster, but about the adventure along the way.  He knows that when we take walks we see all kinds of interesting things.  So, I tried to adopt that mental attitude, reminded myself how much money I was saving by not renting a car this week, and strapped on my running shoes. 

Elijah and I hit the road to pick up Christian.  Along the way, we saw this...

And this... (It was right about here, that a fire engine was stopped at the red light next to me, I smiled and then the tire of my stroller proceeded to get caught in a giant pot hole/crack in the side walk. The stroller nearly end-overed, with Elijah in it.  In an attempt to make sure Elijah didn't get hurt, I banged up my shin pretty badly in the process. I'm sure the firefighters were impressed. )

And this...  (and as you can see, it is very picturesque. Insert sarcastic laugh.)

And finally this...

A special walk home from school could not be complete without a snack-stop at Ride Aid. We stocked up on sunscreen, waters and Christian picked out a little snack bag of cookies. I enjoyed the air conditioning and a chance to peruse the Spring outdoor toy and furniture aisle- which I've always thought was a highlight about drug stores. On our way back home, we discovered more little finds around our neighborhood- a veterinarian with a window full of adorable kittens, and this super cool, used CD shop...

The last stop was a quick hello at our neighbor's house.  They were out enjoying the weather, under the canopy of the large oak in their yard.  They gasped in horror when I told them my car was in the shop and that I had walked to pick Christian up from school as a result. I laughed and said, "Well, I had a girlfriend tell me that she was going for a 5 mile run today.  I figure that if she can run for 5, I can certainly walk for 3."  Their faces cleared, and they agreed that it made sense.  See? Nobody walks in L.A. It only makes sense if you're doing it for exercise. Even though my motive was not for exercise, I felt sufficiently jelly-legged afterward- so I think I'm covered.  I can claim it as a workout, and retain favor in the eyes of Angelenos everywhere.

Christian had another exciting event at school this week: The field trip to the Fire Station!  He was looking forward to it for weeks.  Charles accompanied his class and they seemed to have a blast!

Last to report: It is closing in on that time...Our little Elijah is just weeks away from turning One Year Old!!!!  Where on earth did the time go??  We are gearing up for a birthday bash to celebrate the year with friends and family. The theme has been established, the party favors are in process, and the invitations have started to go out in the mail.  The only thing I love more than party planning, is planning for my own sweet boys birthdays.  I let Elijah inspect the invitation...

He approved! 

Stay tuned for party details in the coming weeks!

Minivan Meltdown

It all started on Tuesday.  I was minding my own business, driving to work on the freeway, and going up a pretty steep grade when all of a sudden I notice my temperature gauge climbing up into the red. Quick decision: Try to get to the top of the grade and cruise down to see what happens? Pull off the road and turn off the car?  I pulled off the freeway onto the narrow shoulder and leaned to the right every time a large semi truck would drive by...as if by leaning, the truck couldn't hit me.  It was scary.  So, I decide to try to make it to the top of the grade: I can see it about 100 yards ahead....if I can just get there, then cruising down the grade and into a gas station is do-able...I can avoid calling road service and essentially putting an end to making it to work. So, I drive. Hazards blinking and temperature gauge all the way into the red, with an alarm going off: Stop driving, Stop driving, Stop driving, it seemed to be saying to me. I get to the top of the grade, pull off the exit and turn off my car.  It is one of those middle-of-nowhere exits. No gas stations. No fast food. No...people. Great. So I sit there shaking and trying to decide what to do next, when a police officer sees me and pulls over to see what's going on.  I fill him in on the situation and ask him to follow me to the nearest gas station- which he says is two exits away, but is all downhill.  I go for it.  As soon as I start cruising down the grade, my temperature gauge goes back to normal.  I pull off at the gas station, thank the police officer and open my hood. I can see that the water reserve tank is nearly empty, so I fill it up and begin to mentally rearrange my week to include a trip to the mechanic.  (I had been told there was a small hole in my radiator over a year ago. A bottle of "Stop Leak" and keeping an eye on the water level was all that I needed. I hadn't had a single problem since and wondered if the original mechanic had been wrong in the diagnosis. Apparently not.)  Since I had had such good luck with the Stop Leak, I figured another bottle would do me.  I started up my car to get back on the road, but it was not good.  The whole car was shaking and shuddering as if it was going to stall.  It didn't.  I just wanted to get to work and deal with all of this afterward.  Every time I came to a stop the car sounded like it was going to die, but when it was in Park, it sounded fairly normal- still running a little rough, but better.  So every stop light, stop sign or left turn meant I would shift into Park and then nearly gun it to make sure it kept running.  Even at the time I knew it was completely irrational.

By the next day, my car was still running a little rough, but it seemed to be doing better- the temperature gauge was holding steady and I was hoping to get to Monday before taking it in for some inevitable repairs. (I figured it was time for this radiator replacement, but I had gone a year with no problems, so I figured what could a few more days do?) Friday started well....other than the fact that I had an insane to-do list. It was the kind of to-do list that a person without children and any need for sustenance or bathroom breaks might still have trouble completing.  I knew I stood little to no chance of tackling it all.  On the way to dropping Christian off at preschool, my car sounded great!  It was running smoothly again and I was feeling hopeful about my to-do list. I should have known that Mr. Murphy and his annoying "Law" were going to wreck havoc on my day.  I feel a little riled up still about my day on Friday.  I can honestly say that it was one of the worst days I've had since I can remember.  It included 4 different overheatings- each time (with the help of my Dad, who actually knows a good deal about cars) I thought I had solved it and that the mechanic could wait until Monday.  We figured out that the news was not good news, when at 6pm (note: all mechanics closed now til Monday) we noticed white steam coming out of my exhaust pipe. My Dad simply said, "That's bad.  That's really bad.  It probably means you have a blown head gasket or worse, a crack in the engine block.  If so, your van is essentially toast."  

I took my minivan in to the mechanic today.  It's not good.  Blown head gasket. Bad radiator. What does that really mean?  It means a $2000 repair!!!!!!!!  (Insert slumping and forehead grabbing here.) I'm trying to remember the up side, so I came up with this list to make myself feel better when I am trapped at home for the next 5 days with no vehicle, because...oh yeah! It's gonna take 5 days of repair AND $2000!!!

1. A $2000 repair is not a $10,000- $40,000 minivan replacement cost.
2. I now know where a radiator is in a car, and can even add water to it.
3. I know that there is a thermostat in your car that only opens once the car gets to a certain temperature, and when it opens it allows more water and coolant into the radiator.
4. I know about wet spark plug wires, and mis-firing engines. 
5. I know that shifting my car into park at every stop light isn't helping anything...no matter how much better it made me feel.
6. And I know how white steam coming out the back of your car is bad news. Very, very, very bad news.

My mechanic felt bad for me today.  He said, (and I'll quote) "Somedays I think I would've been better off as  a Mortician. I feel terrible having to give people bad news like this all of the time.  I was dreading having to tell you."  Yeah...that sucks.  So, I'll add an extra point to my list:

7. I have a cool mechanic.

Oh yeah, and...
8. If you ever end up on some reality show where you need a team mate who knows a bunch of random facts??...I'm your girl.

Now that I'm going to be house-bound for the next 5 days (probably more because there is a weekend tossed in there...) I am  focusing on my boys. Elijah made his first command decision: He has stopped nursing. (sniff, sniff...) I had planned to  nurse until he was a year old, which is what I did with Christian.  By the end of the 12 months, the first time around, I could not wait to be done.  This time I was still feeling like the end goal was in sight- I could see the yellow tape at the finish line.  Then, he pulled a fast one on me, threw his hands up, shook em side to side and said All done. (He's not really using sign language yet, but you get my drift...)  Even though I was only a few weeks from my end goal, I've been feeling sad that he's done. It doesn't really make any sense, but I know there are other nursing Mamas out there that know what I mean.  It's not always rational.  Maybe it's because he's growing up. Maybe it's because he doesn't "need" me the same way anymore. Maybe it's because the last traces of hormones (that are now leaving my body) are having their way with me...

When I think about the whole breastfeeding relationship and what happens during that time, I remember a funny exchange that happened between Charles and I. It happened while I was out with a girlfriend and called to check in on how Charles and the boys were doing.  Charles brought up a concern that went something like this:
C: I think Elijah is getting a little cold.
Me: Okay.  Is he acting okay?
C: Yeah, but I was thinking maybe we shouldn't give him any of your breastmilk.
Me: (Frowning) What do you mean?
C: Well, I know when I have a cold and congestion, if I have any dairy products it makes the mucus worse.
Me: (pause)
Me: (still pausing)
Me: Hon.... I am not a dairy cow.
(Insert the sudden attention of every female within earshot...and smiles and laughing breaking out.)  Now...just to be clear, this isn't about my husband being some sort of airhead- this is actually a common misconception. Seriously. Google it.

So, I'm done with the breastfeeding and I'm not quite to happy about it yet, but I'll get there.


Last week was picture week and parent-teacher conferences at Christian's preschool.  I'll start with the good part:

I think it is a true miracle that the photographer got this shot. Christian is in the goofy faces phase.  If he knows there is a camera or is asked to say cheese, it is all grimacing and goofy faces.  This guy is good and caught him off guard. And we have a cute "1st year of preschool picture" to put on the mantle.

The parent-teacher conference was far less traumatizing than last time. (See this post for that nonsense.) However, I have a little issue with how one of the teachers presents her observations to the parents.  Well...maybe it is just me, but her tone of voice always sounds a bit fraught with concern, and she focuses primarily on the things that she thinks the child is having trouble with.  For Christian, she expressed concern that he likes to play with the older boys out on the playground. But that he doesn't know how to ask if he can play with them, and instead just jumps in and starts doing what they're doing.  Okay.  This time around, I really tried to keep it all light, but when the conference time was coming to an end and she hadn't expressed one thing that Christian seemed to be doing well, I looked at her with a smile and asked (a little pointedly) Okay. Why don't you tell me something that Christian has been excelling at lately? She stammered a bit, but eventually said that his language skills are coming along great, or something of the sort.  On the way home from school that day, Christian saw some boys chasing each other around the Pine Grove. He said to me, "I wanna chase them too."  I said, "Okay. Why don't you say, Hey guys can I play too?"  He turned right to them, raised his voice and said, "Hey guys! Can I play too?"  Yeah... I'm not thinking there is much of a problem to this.

My big boy loves his "Leo".  My Mom bought him this leopard that they named Leo while I was in the hospital recovering from giving birth to Elijah.  Just yesterday Christian said, "Leo was in the hospital when Mommy was in the hospital too."  My heart jumps a little that the animal he is most attached to is the one that came as a comfort to him while I was in the hospital...and away from him.  Even though he's my "big boy", he will always be my baby and it makes makes my heart hurt to know how much he still needs me. A good hurt, though.

Elijah has been doing great.  He's mastering all kinds of new play and his therapists are bringing tricks and tools to our sessions each week.  Mostly, he's just a happy, healthy baby.  Last night, I did a late night feeding with him and after that he was wide.awake. He wasn't crying- just loud and talkative.  Somehow he didn't wake up his brother, but I really do not know how.  I couldn't sleep, but figured he'd tire out soon enough and crash again.  He barely slept.  I mean, literally I don't know when and for how long he did sleep.  Even naps were off today (probably because he's over-tired), so I put him down to sleep early tonight and he passed out in about 30 seconds flat.  Here's hoping that tonight he's back to his good sleep habits!!

And last, but not least, the winner from my last post, via Random.org: Comment number 8- Carrie!!!!!  You win the free 4x6 photobook from Photobooks by Laura!  I will email you with details.  Just to prove I am not playing favorites or cheating the system, my random.org pick:

(Note to self: Taking a picture of your computer screen with your cell phone camera does not produce the best quality photo.) Another random fact learned...keep me in mind as that reality show team mate....just sayin'.

Judging the Outsides

In the ever growing world of "We-don't-have-to-spell-anymore", another acronym has emerged: WAHM. It means, Work at home Mom.  I say that the acronym has emerged, because let's face it, not only did the acronym not exist, but even the idea existed in rarity in my parents generation. I am a WAHM and I also work part time out of the house. Sometimes I feel like I have the best of both worlds: Time with my boys and bringing in some money for the family, and sometimes I feel that I have the worst of both worlds: never enough time to actually focus on work (I am a night owl. Read: 8pm-midnight is the only time anything gets done around here.) and I am also unfocused when I am trying to spend time with the kids.  I always end up feeling that I have sacrificed one area to "phone it in", in the other area.  It is very frustrating.  Today, I suggested a rousing game of Candy Land with my 4 year old. We pulled out the game board, chose our gingerbread people (He- Green, Me- Red) and stacked our cards.  I generously suggested he go first. First he tried to cheat to find a card that had a double color on it.  Then he lied about it. ("It was on top.") Then, when I caved and said, "Okay, move your guy 2 purple spaces", he said, "No. I want to put it here instead." (4 purple spaces up.)  I just got irritated.  I didn't yell, I just got up and went back to my computer.  I couldn't help but think, I have too much to do right now, and you don't even want to play WITH me anyway, so why am I bothering? Sigh. The reality is that it's not that big of a deal that he wants to cheat. and lie. ...Right?!  I mean, he's not yet four years old.  I "should" be able to sit there with him, stare blankly into the game board and be supportive, yet firm about the cheating and lying.  Instead, he cried that I wasn't going to play with him watch him play anymore and needed to hug me over and over again, while crying giant crocodile tears.  And the guilt goes on...I'm just finding it hard to balance.  I've had a surge of work inquiries and there is always a ton to do when I'm trying to contract a new client.  Even though I love my party planning business, there are days where I wish I could just dump it all because it's not worth it if I can't sit through one full game of Candy Land, with a preschooler who is trying to cheat his way to the end anyway...I know I can't be the only Mom who feels this way, and yet it's always tempting to believe that someone else has figured out the secret to doing it all...perhaps the one with the hand made St. Patrick's Day outfit and the blog post that talks about how the "Leprechaun" messed up their house and only left them green things to drink? (Are. you. F-ing. kidding. me???!!! Who has the time for that nonsense??? I can't even finish one lousy game of Candy Land, let alone sew an outfit out of hand dyed green shamrocks and gold threaded tulle.) No matter how hard I try, it seems like someone else is doing it better.  BUT....then I remind myself not to judge someone else's "outside" by my "inside".  I don't really know what's going on in their household.  Maybe they're compensating. Maybe they are actually that fabulous.  Either way, I'm doing all I can.  I just sometimes wish it felt better. Don't get me wrong...there are days where I feel like I've won the jackpot in my situation, but then there are the days like today where it just feels like I'm failing across the board...

We went without power on Sunday for about 10 hours.  It was raining and storming in LA, like we haven't seen for quite awhile.  It was cozy and nice for the first part of the day, but once the power was out it was all brains on deck: What to do with the kids when you can't go outside and you can't turn anything on?  Luckily, Elijah took a nice long nap and Christian can easily entertain himself with a pile of pillows and a few stuffed animals, so I got a chance to make up a big pot of vegetable soup.  I filled everyone up with soup and then said, "Well, I'm off!" (I had made plans about 2 months ago to meet up with some new friends from out of town.)  Before Elijah was born, I could not imagine a situation where I would "ditch" my hubby and kids in the middle of a rain storm to have dinner with people I had actually never met in person before.  But Elijah opened up a whole new world for me.  He opened up a world of people that have been in my shoes before.  The Mommas that also have a child with Down syndrome.  A world of people who have been on this journey longer than me, the same amount of time as me, and even less than me.  And it turns out there are some pretty cool people that are part of this world.  I had dinner with 5 of them.



It was cool. The greatest thing is that I felt that even without our child's special needs, we would have gotten along, and we would have been friends. I will admit that it was nice to be able to shorthand the situation.  They all know exactly what it's like, they know what questions to ask and there is little, to no, explaining to do about it.  I loved it.  Yeah...technically we met on the internet, but these ladies "get" me. They are my people.
My people won't replace the friends and family who know me so well, but they make a nice addition.  They add an element of knowing that is nice to have around.  Most of the time, I'll probably want to go to an old, trusted friend to say I had a rough day, but sometimes...if that rough day involves a little one with an extra chromosome... I might need to go to someone to say, I had a rough day, simply so they can say, I know. And they do.

In honor of new friends and old friends, having time with my boys and feeling like I never have enough time with my boys... I am supporting a friend's new business.  Because we could all use a little extra time to spend with our families, instead of pouring over the volumes of un-filed and un-scrapbooked photos (Come on...we all have 'em...) Photo Books by Laura will take the stress out of it for you. Laura masterfully arranges and creates beautiful photobooks filled with all of your memories-saving you the time and stress of doing it (or never getting around to it) yourself! Check out her website at www.photobooksbylaura.com.  And now....drum roll please...I am thrilled to present an exciting giveaway on my blog!!! Laura has agreed to give away one free 4x6 photo book to one random commenter on my blog!  So, leave a comment (if you do so Anonymously, please say who you are) and I will choose a comment at random (using Random.org, so I can't be biased) to win the free photobook!  (No need to be local- Laura can work with anyone, anywhere in the country!)

...And if you did happen to make an outfit out of hand dyed green shamrocks and gold threaded tulle...well, then I've got a lying and cheating preschooler who could use some of your patience in a rousing game of Candy Land...