Judging the Outsides

In the ever growing world of "We-don't-have-to-spell-anymore", another acronym has emerged: WAHM. It means, Work at home Mom.  I say that the acronym has emerged, because let's face it, not only did the acronym not exist, but even the idea existed in rarity in my parents generation. I am a WAHM and I also work part time out of the house. Sometimes I feel like I have the best of both worlds: Time with my boys and bringing in some money for the family, and sometimes I feel that I have the worst of both worlds: never enough time to actually focus on work (I am a night owl. Read: 8pm-midnight is the only time anything gets done around here.) and I am also unfocused when I am trying to spend time with the kids.  I always end up feeling that I have sacrificed one area to "phone it in", in the other area.  It is very frustrating.  Today, I suggested a rousing game of Candy Land with my 4 year old. We pulled out the game board, chose our gingerbread people (He- Green, Me- Red) and stacked our cards.  I generously suggested he go first. First he tried to cheat to find a card that had a double color on it.  Then he lied about it. ("It was on top.") Then, when I caved and said, "Okay, move your guy 2 purple spaces", he said, "No. I want to put it here instead." (4 purple spaces up.)  I just got irritated.  I didn't yell, I just got up and went back to my computer.  I couldn't help but think, I have too much to do right now, and you don't even want to play WITH me anyway, so why am I bothering? Sigh. The reality is that it's not that big of a deal that he wants to cheat. and lie. ...Right?!  I mean, he's not yet four years old.  I "should" be able to sit there with him, stare blankly into the game board and be supportive, yet firm about the cheating and lying.  Instead, he cried that I wasn't going to play with him watch him play anymore and needed to hug me over and over again, while crying giant crocodile tears.  And the guilt goes on...I'm just finding it hard to balance.  I've had a surge of work inquiries and there is always a ton to do when I'm trying to contract a new client.  Even though I love my party planning business, there are days where I wish I could just dump it all because it's not worth it if I can't sit through one full game of Candy Land, with a preschooler who is trying to cheat his way to the end anyway...I know I can't be the only Mom who feels this way, and yet it's always tempting to believe that someone else has figured out the secret to doing it all...perhaps the one with the hand made St. Patrick's Day outfit and the blog post that talks about how the "Leprechaun" messed up their house and only left them green things to drink? (Are. you. F-ing. kidding. me???!!! Who has the time for that nonsense??? I can't even finish one lousy game of Candy Land, let alone sew an outfit out of hand dyed green shamrocks and gold threaded tulle.) No matter how hard I try, it seems like someone else is doing it better.  BUT....then I remind myself not to judge someone else's "outside" by my "inside".  I don't really know what's going on in their household.  Maybe they're compensating. Maybe they are actually that fabulous.  Either way, I'm doing all I can.  I just sometimes wish it felt better. Don't get me wrong...there are days where I feel like I've won the jackpot in my situation, but then there are the days like today where it just feels like I'm failing across the board...

We went without power on Sunday for about 10 hours.  It was raining and storming in LA, like we haven't seen for quite awhile.  It was cozy and nice for the first part of the day, but once the power was out it was all brains on deck: What to do with the kids when you can't go outside and you can't turn anything on?  Luckily, Elijah took a nice long nap and Christian can easily entertain himself with a pile of pillows and a few stuffed animals, so I got a chance to make up a big pot of vegetable soup.  I filled everyone up with soup and then said, "Well, I'm off!" (I had made plans about 2 months ago to meet up with some new friends from out of town.)  Before Elijah was born, I could not imagine a situation where I would "ditch" my hubby and kids in the middle of a rain storm to have dinner with people I had actually never met in person before.  But Elijah opened up a whole new world for me.  He opened up a world of people that have been in my shoes before.  The Mommas that also have a child with Down syndrome.  A world of people who have been on this journey longer than me, the same amount of time as me, and even less than me.  And it turns out there are some pretty cool people that are part of this world.  I had dinner with 5 of them.



It was cool. The greatest thing is that I felt that even without our child's special needs, we would have gotten along, and we would have been friends. I will admit that it was nice to be able to shorthand the situation.  They all know exactly what it's like, they know what questions to ask and there is little, to no, explaining to do about it.  I loved it.  Yeah...technically we met on the internet, but these ladies "get" me. They are my people.
My people won't replace the friends and family who know me so well, but they make a nice addition.  They add an element of knowing that is nice to have around.  Most of the time, I'll probably want to go to an old, trusted friend to say I had a rough day, but sometimes...if that rough day involves a little one with an extra chromosome... I might need to go to someone to say, I had a rough day, simply so they can say, I know. And they do.

In honor of new friends and old friends, having time with my boys and feeling like I never have enough time with my boys... I am supporting a friend's new business.  Because we could all use a little extra time to spend with our families, instead of pouring over the volumes of un-filed and un-scrapbooked photos (Come on...we all have 'em...) Photo Books by Laura will take the stress out of it for you. Laura masterfully arranges and creates beautiful photobooks filled with all of your memories-saving you the time and stress of doing it (or never getting around to it) yourself! Check out her website at www.photobooksbylaura.com.  And now....drum roll please...I am thrilled to present an exciting giveaway on my blog!!! Laura has agreed to give away one free 4x6 photo book to one random commenter on my blog!  So, leave a comment (if you do so Anonymously, please say who you are) and I will choose a comment at random (using Random.org, so I can't be biased) to win the free photobook!  (No need to be local- Laura can work with anyone, anywhere in the country!)

...And if you did happen to make an outfit out of hand dyed green shamrocks and gold threaded tulle...well, then I've got a lying and cheating preschooler who could use some of your patience in a rousing game of Candy Land...