Thursday, January 7, 2010

The art of research and procrastination

I read a GREAT book yesterday, called "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck. I can't stop thinking about it, and I love books that make you linger on them long after you've finished. It's a memoir about a woman who is working on her Phd from Harvard, has an 18 month old daughter and finds out she's expecting a son with DS. Well, those are the facts...What it's really about is Transformation. Becoming someone you never thought you'd be, through an experience you never thought you'd have. It makes you think.

"Expecting Adam" is the kind of research I've decided to pursue. Those of you who know me well, know that when I come across something I need to know about, I am the first one to Google exhaustively and then get every book on the subject to educate myself. I started doing that when we first got the diagnosis, and to say it was overwhelming is an understatement. The laundry list of things that could go wrong medically is mind boggling- everything from heart defects to digestive issues to being short....Yup. It was the "short" thing that set me off into a blind panic the other day. It's pretty funny now, but it was another step in the "rearrange your expectations" transformation that I am currently undergoing. Every time I read something, I start panicking about the possibilities. It's just too much. So, I reached out to an online support network of parents who have children with DS. What they ALL have said is to basically step away from the research because most of these lists will not happen to one child, and if and when any of them happen, THEN do the research. This makes sense to me. So, I've decided to read real stories and talk to real people and that's it for now. (Well, mostly...I am human, and I am a Google junkie, so there could be set backs...)

Now...about Procrastination...
Procrastination is such a common part of my life that I am actually beginning to wonder if God is using it as one of his communication tools with me. This is what I mean: I had a great appointment with my new perinatologist about a month ago and when I was leaving his office, I was unable to make my follow up appointment because their computers were down. I was supposed to make the appointment later that day (or the next day) for 6 weeks from the date I was seen. 4 weeks, 1 day later (today), I panicked when I realized I still had not made the appointment. I called and the receptionist (I'll call her Sue, because I cannot for the life of me remember or pronounce her real name...I think I even had her spell it for me & still nada) started looking up dates. Sue gives me a date and time and says, "You'll be seeing Dr. Not-your-doctor." I corrected her and told her that he's not my doctor. Sue informed me that my doctor may not even be returning to the practice and that I would have no choice but to see Dr. Not-your-doctor. (This is not his real name because, again, I have no idea what she said...I even asked her to spell it...By now I'm sure Sue believes that I have some spelling fetish or something.) I got off the phone and nearly wept because I had finally found a Doctor I really like and trust and who (bonus) even used to dance ballet!!! (I took this as a sign of kismet, because what perinatologist is a former ballet dancer?? And then to have that former ballet dancer/perinatologist treating me (a former ballet dancer) was just too perfect.) So, I glumly opened up my calendar to add my new appointment, and noticed that she had accidentally scheduled me for the wrong month. I called Sue back and told her the mix up. She gave me a new date and time and said, "You'll be seeing Dr. Ballet." ???? Ok. What? Whatever. That's good! So, now I have a chance to see my beloved Ballet dancing/ Perinatology doctor again and hopefully find out why or where he is leaving to. I pray he's not going to do Doctors without Borders work in another country or something. I's really bad to be praying that your doctor not go to help needy people, living in poverty stricken conditions, who never get medical treatment. Sigh. I hope he's just moving his practice. My point in all of this is the procrastination. See? If I would've made my appointment when I should have, then I wouldn't have known Dr. Ballet was going to be leaving the practice and then I wouldn't have known to interrogate him about his next whereabouts. Right??!!..... Maybe I'm just reaching for straws because I truly am procrastinating so much else in my life- contracts for Event clients, choreography for ballet recital, laundry, bills, etc. I normally procrastinate, but now there's so much more on my mind.

That's it for now. It seems my brain is powering down for the night...

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