Who am I now?

I'm starting to feel like me again.  Maybe it sounds weird to read that, or maybe you can relate.  I was me before having kids- having political views, having societal opinions, having a full time career, driving the car I wanted (well...the car I wanted within the price range I could afford...), keeping my house the way I wanted, dividing my time the way I thought it was best used, and on and on.  Then I had Christian- who rocked my world in all of the best, and most confusing ways.  I had never felt the degree of that kind of love before, never felt the fierceness of protection that way before, but also between nursing and sleep training...and generally raising a child, I felt at a little bit of a loss about who I was. I thought, Who am I now? I'm still all of the things I was before, but so much was changing and shifting within my situation that I was left scrambling to put my identity all the way back together.  Just about the time that we got pregnant again I was starting to almost feel like me: the new me, the me that included being a Mom and all that that means, along with everything else.  Then we got pregnant with Elijah. Then we got Elijah's diagnosis.  And all of the work I thought I had done in trying to figure out who the re-defined me was, was all rearranged again.  Now I'm the Mother of a child with Down syndrome?  How does that factor into who I am?   It's taken me a lot of processing to deal with that one, but Elijah himself has eased that transition a bit.  What I know about that is this: I didn't have a child with Down syndrome because I'm damaged.  I believe Elijah is in my life for a very important reason.  I believe I am a Mother for a very important reason.  I don't entirely know what those reasons are but I think it has something to do with learning. Ultimately, with all of the adjustments that come with becoming a Mom...then a second time Mom...then a second time Mom to a child with special needs, I wasn't unhappy, I just didn't feel all the way like me.

I have been on a special diet for the last 6 weeks.  It has actually been an eye opening process.  It reminded me of how disciplined I can be when I really want something. I think back to my younger self, at around age 14, when I was SO determined and disciplined to become a dancer. Nothing could derail me.  I've seen glimpses of that girl in the last 6 weeks.  My workouts have been varied, but consistent.  My diet has been nearly by the book. I don't weigh myself, so I don't know how much I've lost, but the changes are noticeable and I've dropped a dress size.  I think because I'm starting to look like the me I was before kids, I'm starting to feel a little more like the me I was before kids.

Tonight I pulled out an oldie but goodie: The living room dance.  I turned up the music (on my ipod headphones.  I have sleeping kids.  Let's face it- I'm feeling bold, not stupid.) and let the music (The Black Keys) take over.  The living room dance is about being totally free, not judging myself, and is the ultimate expression of how I'm feeling.  For most of my life, I have expressed myself through dance, so to not be doing that regularly leaves me feeling...a little less me.  I teach ballet, and ballet is a huge expression of a lot of things for me, but it's not the same raw, freeing feeling that I sometimes need.  That's why I need the living room dance.  I haven't done a living room dance in at least 6 months.  But, tonight I found myself in a quiet house and with a strong urge to turn the music up and let go. Let go, I did.

This week I hosted an event conceived by my friend Lori.  The suggestion was to rent one of those large, inflatable waterslides and have a Splish, Splash and...just to make it fun for the Mommies..Sangria (!) Playdate.  Since these waterslides are HUGE.  I was the only one with a yard big enough and durable enough to take the abuse of this kind of playdate.  So, we got this:

Our "Sangria" was really just a little sparkling wine with some cranberry juice, OJ and frozen fruit in it.

 Christian had an amazing time and got bolder as the day wore on...(after a semi-traumatic incident as the waterslide/bounce house combo deflated around him because I accidentally unplugged it while he was jumping inside...this was BEFORE the sangria. I promise.)

Christian gets full air...

Elijah napped through the whole experience and woke up only as our last guests headed out.  I decided that it's not often that you have a giant, inflatable waterslide in your backyard and that we should seize the moment and Slide. Since it was just me and my little guys, I have only this self portrait to prove that we did indeed slide. Over and over again. (Well...Elijah only slid with me once- I don't think the shock of quickly sliding down a large, unknown surface and getting spayed in the face was quite what he expected. So, Elijah hit the swing instead.)

Sliding with my kids made me feel young and spontaneous (and next time we do a Splish, Splash playdate, my Mommy friends will get the peer pressure to slide.) It was uplifting.  I used to consider myself spontaneous, and I'm realizing I still am.  It just looks a little different.  I may not be able to leave the house alone on a whim and do something crazy, because there are babysitters to plan for, time to carve out and instructions to give.  But, I can say, You know what? There is a giant waterslide in my backyard and I am All In.

I'm finally feeling like me again and realizing that I can be all of the things I was before kids and all of the things I am after kids and together they can be pretty great.  Just because I'm a Mom doesn't mean I can't be back in shape, it doesn't mean I won't be spontaneous- though the circumstances may be different, it doesn't mean that I won't do the baddest, longest, sweatiest living room dance ever.  I can do all of those things and it's pretty cool to be knowing that.

This is me.  This is me on kids. See?...not that different.
Don't let the mini van fool you.

Soap Box

I'm bugged. I feel like a can of worms got opened today and I'm really bugged. The Special Olympics blog page released an article about Universal Pictures' continued use of terms of bigotry in the recent film, "The Change Up" where Ryan Reynold's character asks Jason Bateman's character if his young twins were “retarded” because they weren’t speaking, and then quipped “I don’t know, this one looks a little Downsy.”. (Just one year ago, the studio was blasted for using the word "gay" as a derogatory term in the trailer and film, "The Dilemma" with Vince Vaughn.) Click here to read the article: http://specialolympicsblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/universal-pictures-thinks-biggotry-is-acceptable-and-marketable/   

This brings up a lot of feelings for me, because just after giving birth to Elijah, I was vulnerable, worried and assailed by ridiculous language used by the NICU nurses at the hospital. These were NICU nurses who said that they worked with many children with Down syndrome.  Actually...they didn't say that- they said, "I work with Downsies all the time."  "We love the Downsy babies."  Or, some whispered the word Down syndrome...or actually avoided saying it at all.  Think about it, putting some weird adjective in front of the word baby, kinda makes it like it's not a baby at all. Like these human beings are some sort of...Chia Pet. I actually had to remind myself (with much relief and peace) that I did, in fact, give birth to a human baby boy. I was far too hormonal, shocked, and worried during Elijah's short NICU stay at the hospital to even begin to know what to say.  After some tears of frustration this morning, I've decided to do something about it. I've decided that it would be easy to say too much time has passed. I should forget about it.  The reality is that there are women who will go through the birth of a new baby with Down syndrome for years to come.  If...and it is a big IF...I can make even the smallest impact on one hospital nursing staff, maybe...maybe...I can make one woman's experience a little better than my own. It's worth that shot.

Dear Senior Vice President and Chief Nurse Executive (name withheld on blog),
      I had the pleasure of meeting you over one year ago, when my baby boy, Elijah (who is diagnosed with Down syndrome) was born at (Unnamed) Hospital. The fact that you took time out of your day to say hello and to tell me about the fact that you have an adult son with Down syndrome, meant more to me than words can accurately express.  You were one light amidst an experience that was fraught with insensitive, ignorant language and actions. I was so shocked, worried, and hormonal at the time of my stay at the hospital that I could not even begin to consider addressing some of my experiences.  Now that more than a year has passed, it would be easy for me to tell myself to "Forget about it- too much time has passed."  Instead, I want to share with you a few of my experiences in hopes that they will be shared and potentially give another new mother, down the line, a more positive and supportive experience.
    I want to start by saying that, overall, I found the nursing staff to be a very caring and considerate group.  It is for this reason that I want to highlight some of the language they used that unfortunately made my experience more difficult.  Due to the amount of time that has passed, I do not remember the names of the specific nurses, despite the fact that their words are emblazoned on my brain. My goal is not to create problems for specific nurses, but instead to enlighten how their word and action choices affect new Moms.
    I received a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome, so when I was admitted into the hospital to give birth all of the nursing staff had been informed of my baby's diagnosis.  The moment Elijah was born, he was taken into the corner to be evaluated. (No moment of being placed on my chest or belly, as I'd had experienced with my first born son- also delivered at (Unnamed) Hospital.) When my Mom, who had been in the delivery room, walked over to see Elijah as the nurses checked him out, they started whispering as soon as she approached.  My Mom said, "It's okay. We know he has Down syndrome. You don't have to whisper."  While Elijah's Apgar score came in at a good number, his oxygen saturation was low and so they did need to take him to the NICU. I had a moment to hold my beautiful son before he was whisked away.  An hour later when I walked over to the NICU to see my son (Thank you, natural delivery--quick recovery!!), I met one of the nurses who refused to utter the words Down syndrome. Instead, it was things like "Babies like this", "Babies with this condition".  Honestly, it made me feel a bit like they were acting as though my son wasn't even human. That he was a "condition" alone.  The next nurse on staff talked to me about how she's "worked with many Downsies. And loves Downsy babies." This also felt like she was describing some sort of breed of puppy and not my beautiful baby boy. My stay was only a couple of days, and my son's stay was only one week long.  Since then, I've gotten over the shock of people putting my son's condition before who he is as a child.  Whenever it's appropriate, I try to encourage them to see him as a child first.  A child who happens to have Down syndrome.
   My hope is that my letter is used not to reprimand, but instead to educate your staff about the power of People First Language. I don't think it's about making words off limits.  It's about putting a person (even a baby) first. To describe a person by the diagnosis first and foremost is de-humanizing. While there is only 1 baby born with  Down syndrome out of 742 live births, and the occurrence is somewhat uncommon at (Unnamed) Hospital, the idea is the same for any diagnosis.  I'm sure the nursing staff in an oncology department need to be reminded now and again that although they are helping to treat cancer- it is a person with whom they are dealing, first and foremost.
     I felt comfortable in sharing my thoughts with you, not only because of your position at the hospital, but also because of your position as a Mother.  I wish you and your family the best and hope that you will consider sharing my thoughts with those that could make a difference in the quality of a patient's care.
Very Sincerely,
Jennifer Currier

P.S. Here is a picture of my son, Elijah- now 15 months old.  He loves music, smiling, laughing, bath time, and books.  He is not as fond of sand in his mouth, being left alone, and when his older brother teases him with toys. :) He is a joy and a blessing to our family.



I'm grateful to have this blog as a place to work out these feelings.  Frankly, I don't feel comfortable or safe to actually talk about it with many people in my life.  Eyes have been rolled, inside "jokes" shared, and silence has been heard. Therefore trust has been lost. I don't really know who reads this blog or whether any of my rantings, inspirations or plans mean jack squat to anyone.  I have a stat bar that shows me that people come across my blog.  I get a comment or two here and there (usually from the people who have a child with Ds and understand the need to feel supported), but most people just stay silent. I understand that many people don't know what to say. This is not a blog about gardening. It's about my feelings and it is actually nice to have someone say, I hear you. I don't know if this letter I've drafted will get immediately tossed in the trash, or if it will be brought up at the next nurses staff meeting, but I think I had to write it to let the old demons go.  The demons that I wasn't fully aware of until today (while gardening--Who knew?). I was reliving and weepy about what my experience was that first week of Elijah's life.  I haven't sent the letter yet.  If you think there is anything I should add, delete or re-word, I am very open to suggestion.  My goal is to send a letter that explains how I was affected without coming across as reprimanding or bitchy. I know my tone of voice, but since it is a letter, the receiver will not.  Your thoughts would be appreciated. 

A-ha Moment

Today I had what Oprah would call an "A-ha moment". A good friend of mine had a 40th birthday party this morning. She decided to do a day that was not all about her, but about all of the women friends in her life who inspire her. She had a nook in which we could create an inspiration board (a collaged board about what we hope to accomplish or change in the coming year), she had a "meditation room" as a place for her friends to take a moment of refuge, there was a beautiful spread of vegan fare, mimosas, and shopping. It was lovely, but the a-ha moment for me was when she had friend/mentor/client/comedian Kathy Buckley speak. I was already a fan of Kathy's...not because I've ever seen her comedy, because I hadn't, but because my friend has always spoken so highly of her, and because she was quoted on the back of Jagatjoti Khalsa'a coffee table book, "Down With You". I pulled Kathy aside to say hello and ask how she knew Jagatjoti. We got into a fascinating conversation. First of all, if you know Kathy Buckley (and to be honest, I didn't.)-she is a deaf comedian. She reads lips exceptionally well- to the point that you forget that she cannot hear. However, for the first 8 years of her life, her parents didn't know what was wrong with her and put her in a class with (in Kathy's words) the retarded kids. 8 years is a very long time to go without language. I can only imagine the frustration of being more cognitively aware than every other kid in a classroom, but without the ability to express what you know. Kathy comfortably dropped the "R" word more times than I can count. It was pretty jarring to hear...I have to admit, my heart jumped each and every time, despite the fact that I was fully enjoying what she was saying. I didn't feel it was important or appropriate to ask her to consider a different word. She wasn't using it as a means to degrade anyone, it was used more factually. It was also where I realized that sometimes a woman over 50 who has devoted her life to helping people who are different (those with physical disabilities, like deafness, and those with cognitive disabilities, like Autism and Down syndrome) might not be open to suggestion...and that perhaps the wisest and kindest thing I could do would be to take the pearls of wisdom from her where I could and continue to fine tune my ability to educate and share with people the power of their words. As I said, it was a fascinating conversation. This, however, was not my "A-ha moment".

Kathy shared  some of her comedy with us (Hilarious!!!), but in it also talked about the fact that she never appreciated her body.  That at 30, she hated the way she looked.  Then by 40, when she looked back on pictures of her at 30, thought, "Wow. I was hot!"  Now into her 50's she has decided to appreciate what IS.

A-ha!

I've thought a lot about this, appreciating what is, lately.  It doesn't mean that if you have a goal for yourself or your body that you should just say Oh well and learn to appreciate it as it is.  It does mean to appreciate where you are now.  Right now, I'm having a lot of appreciation for my body.  I am going on week 6 of a diet and fitness plan to get back the body (mostly the waistline) that I had prior to kids.  It is working.  My body has been quickly responding to the diet choices and exercise plans I've been sticking to and frankly, it feels great!  It feels great to be accomplishing a goal. To be persevering. To be determined.  It also feels great to  reclaim a little bit of the "me" that existed before kids.  Furthermore, it feels great to feel my body growing stronger each day.  Since yoga has been a practice that I can measure my strength by, I get excited as poses that used to seem impossible or unattainable are finally becoming a reality.

My girlfriend had her 40th birthday party today, and 40 is staring me in the face just 3 weeks from now.  I am not afraid.  Yes- I feel like, "Where has the time gone?? How did I get here??" But I am here. Why not stand proudly and boldly behind my age? I will not be hiding my age. I will be appreciating where I am now.  I will take seriously the fact that I am a role model for my sons and for my ballet students.  My life has been filled with bad choices and good choices, passionate living and all of the stuff in between.  I can only attribute all of the lessons along the way to the number of years I've been alive. These years?: I've earned them.

I started my day with some inspiration and had the rest of the day with my boys, a swimming pool and some friends to soak it all in. 

This hat is the cutest dang thing you have ever seen and despite the ties that I had added, Mr. Elijah insists on pulling it off...sigh. :)

Elijah and I enjoying the pool!

His eyes always look so blue when backed by a Little Tikes swing...

Thoroughly enjoying a snow cone...

 

 Friends!  (Overheard at their table: Hey! I'm four...and you're four...and you're four...and you're four.  We're all four!") Hooray!

At my friend's party today, we were asked if we had anything we wanted to say to her, any words of wisdom.  Now that I've had a little time to think about it, I would say: You are fabulous. You have earned every year and that is not a bad thing. Own it. Be bold behind it. Other women will learn from you...and you will learn from other women who have gone before you.  

Now...I have 3 more weeks of 39 to be bold behind and enjoy...so, I'm off! :)

Never a lazy day...

Today was "supposed" to be one of those enjoy and soak-it-all-in days...or so I thought.  I finished a culmination of work yesterday: My dance studio's recital and a show I choreographed had it's run of performances.  I find myself saying so often: "When I just get through such and such, then things will calm down and I can have a few lazy days..."  Yesterday was altogether a really wonderful day- just long.  We started the morning at the beach with a group of friends.  It was a day we had been looking forward to, since beach trips have really been a highlight this summer.  My friend who organized the whole event is so creative and so detail-oriented that you could appreciate all of the small touches that she had arranged: from the multi-colored beach adirondack chairs, to the miniature beach bucket favors (filled with an inflatable beach ball, teeny, tiny sand toys and a bag of Swedish Fish -Aqua Life themed- of course.) Little did she know that Swedish Fish are my all-time favorite candy.  Anyone who knows me really well can vouch for this.  I won't wax philosophical about a bag of Swedish Fish, but let's put it this way: Christian's bag will mysteriously go missing.  Back to the beach.  We squeezed the entire family into the mini van, packed with props for the recital, beach towels, beach chairs, sunscreen, snacks for me for a non-stop day, and headed out.  The beach was a break from the extreme heat of the valley- but more so than we expected.  We ended up with an actual cold beach day (sans sweatshirts), but marveled as the preschoolers splashed and soaked in the freezing ocean anyway.  Is their zest for life that much greater than it is as an adult, that they aren't bothered by a little cold weather?  Or is it perhaps something more physiological- like children have no temperature gauge? Whatever it was, as we adults sat huddled in our beach blankets (probably offending our hosts), our children had a blast- just as they always do when you combine sand, sea, and kindred spirits. 

Photos courtesy of Lori Bell Medlin (oxox)

Next, it was on to the recital... I had what seemed like grand ideas about creating ballets for my girls that give them some appreciation of the history of ballet- specifically in regards to storytelling type of ballets.  I choreographed my youngest group of girls in matched costumes to the next level up, but only the youngsters had their skirts cut very short, and their head garlands contained only ivy, where their older counterparts had blooming flowers as well. My inspiration was the forest scenes in La Sylphide.  While the ballet La Sylphide is quite dark, I focused on the simple idea of forest sylphs living in harmony and growing older in the forest.  I tried to signify the coming of age with a small pine tree during the small sylphs scene, and then a much larger (grown up) tree for the older girls.  I have no idea if anyone got the subtlety of that, but I do know that I have about a dozen scratches on my arms from hauling fake pine trees around all day. (And if I only had a dollar for every time someone asked, "What are the Christmas Trees for?" Oh, ye of little imagination.  These are not Christmas trees, these are magestic pines that only grow in the forests occupied by Sylphs... Right.) Remind me about this when I get these big ideas next year.







Overall, the recital was a huge success and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing all of the girls' hard work come to life onstage.

Finally, I was off to enjoy the Calabasas Summer theatre's final performance of "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum." Sadly, I have no pictures of our cast or production, but it was an enjoyable night. Perhaps because I have taken a few years off from choreographing musicals or perhaps because the show was a no-pressure-choreography type of show, I really had a chance to just sit back and enjoy.  I didn't spend time worrying about pointed toes or tight knees. I just enjoyed, and the icing on the cake, is that I got to work with my very talented, director, brother on this one.  I heart my brother, Bill.  (And also my sister and my other brother- don't get me wrong. We are all very close.) But, Bill and I have common interests. We always have. When I think back to all of the years that I made him dress up in some sort of costume get up and perform "a show" with me, I have to smile.  It was a foretelling of what would come. For the last 5 weeks, we've worked together doing what we have always loved: Putting on a show.  We are lucky. We are blessed.

I was eagerly anticipating a balance of busy family time, with some me ( read: yoga) time and some time with girlfriends.  None of it went as planned.  We started the morning at the church where Christian had attended Vacation Bible School (VBS) all week.  He had such a great time, and it made my heart swell.  Some of my fondest memories as a child were at VBS.  Today, was the VBS Sunday, where the kids attended and sang the songs they learned all week for the congregation.  My Mom, Dad, and youngest nephew joined me to support Christian's performance, while Charles was, unfortunately, absent due to a work deadline.  The scene was set: the kids were arranged on the stage, and the video came up to help assist the kids with the words and the associated dance moves. Christian turned his back to the audience, watched the video screen at the back of the stage and sang nothing...danced nothing. Yep. It was only after he returned to his seat in the pews that he finally decided to sing and dance along.  Whatever- he must not have gotten the "performer gene" that Charles and I both possess.  Sigh. The day continued as my chance to go to yoga went out the window with no one to watch the kids, and the dinner with girlfriends turned into a dinner with a frantic day care drop off for Christian, and a hungry baby boy in attendance.  It was not the lazy dinner with friends I had been looking forward to. But as good friends always do, they made me feel welcome and loved and pumped full of compliments.  Thank you friends.

I have another crazy week coming up and I find myself saying, "When this week is done, things should calm down a little and give me some time to be a little lazy..."  Oh, how I hope that is true.  As a Mom of two, I often find that even the things that are supposed to feel lazy and carefree, tend to feel a little like work.  Fulfilling work, but work none-the-less.  I have a "lazy day  few hours" scheduled into this week (babysitter and all) as a coping method. Now, however, I have to get to bed.  Early morning trip to the flower mart for me...

Hope for the Future

I think one of the greatest fantasies when you become a parent is dreaming of what your children will become as adults.  As babies, they are a blank canvas on which there are limitless opportunities to paint a future.  Will they be smart?  Maybe even super-smart...or possibly a genius? Will they be someone famous? Will they be a good parent?  Will they be happy? We have all met (and even sometimes been) the parents for whom their children can do no wrong.  Whose children are brilliant and infallible and stunning and talented-  All at once and...oh by the way: sooner than everyone else's kid. Right?  You've met them.  Maybe you've even been them.  But it can't be helped.  We all want our children to have happy, successful lives.  I think you'd have to be really messed up or not have a pulse to not want the best for your children.  To not want them to suffer or struggle or fail.

When Charles and I first received Elijah's diagnosis of Down Syndrome, it was this aspect that I grieved about most.  I feared that the sky was not the limit for my youngest son.  I feared that the best we could hope for for him was a life as a potential grocery bagger, who lived at home with us and had no one to love (romantically).  Now...I don't think that grocery bagger is the worst possible job a person could hold.  I mean, let's face it, there are lots of people who don't even have a job at all, so I'm not saying it as if it is the bottom of the barrel, worst case scenario.  What I am saying is, you don't dream about that as the goal job for your child when they are young.  You dream: Firefighter. Ballerina. Astronaut. (If such a thing will continue to exist..) and Brain Surgeon. To name a few.

My perspective has changed over the last year. I have gotten to know a lot of families who have a child, teenager or adult with Down syndrome.  I have seen many stories and videos online of successful, beat-the-odds individuals who also happen to have an extra chromosome.  There are professional musicians, actors, teachers, mentors, inspirational speakers, models, gold medalists, and many, many more.  The real truth is that we, just like everyone, have no idea what can or will become of our youngest son (or our eldest son either, for that matter).  What is truly most important is whether or not he is happy.  A Mom that I have a great deal of respect for, Gail Williamson, has an adult son with Down syndrome.  What struck me the most, was a quote I read by Gail, paraphrased as: Out of all my kids, Blair (who has Ds) is the most content with his life.  I think of this often.  That is saying a LOT.

I want my son(s) to be happy-that is probably the most important thing a person can be.  But, I also want them both to have Opportunity.  This is the reason that the very first charity (benefiting Down syndrome) that I took part in is the Down syndrome Research and Treatment Foundation (also known as DSRTF).  DSRTF is making scientific breakthroughs in discovering what is impacting the cognition problems in individuals with Down syndrome.  It is thrilling work.  The DSRTF has a campaign called Plus 15.  The plus15 campaign funds research at major research centers, including Johns Hopkins Medical Center, Stanford University, University of California, San Diego, and University of Arizona, into how to improve the memory, learning, and speech of people with Down syndrome.  Research scientists working on these improvements tell us they are within reach.  I have volunteered my time in helping to throw a fundraising event to raise money for these worthy efforts.  Coming up on Saturday, August 27th is our annual fundraising event: Research Rocks! If you are local to the Los Angeles area, please consider buying a ticket to attend the event.  The money is going to benefit a lot of people and the event is a great evening out, with food, drinks, a Q & A with the scientists, and dancing!  Attendance is not possible for many of you reading this (and actually, this year, it will not even be possible for me, as the 27th is the evening I will be celebrating my 40th year of life. Yikes!) However, we are throwing a raffle, which includes prizes like the ipad 2, a digital camera and a Barnes and Noble gift card.  For the price of a cup of coffee and a doughnut, you could buy a raffle ticket to benefit these researchers' work and possibly take home a great prize.  You do not need to be local or present to win-- We ship anywhere!! (And HAVE!!)  Please consider clicking on this link: https://www.dsrtf.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=485 to purchase raffle tickets.  Your donations are greatly appreciated and could help to realize the dream and hope for the future of our children with Down syndrome! (We also hold a wonderful silent auction.  If you, or anyone you know has a business or product they would be willing to donate in order to be raffled off, please contact me via email at: virgojennie@gmail.com.)

I hope my enthusiasm and belief in the work that DSRTF is doing didn't come off as a giant sales pitch.  I have hope for Elijah's future regardless of scientific breakthroughs, but the potential for my child to gain an improvement in his cognition, memory and speech could open up a world filled with even more Opportunity.  As a parent, I can't help but want that.  Like anyone, I want the world for my boys. 

I'll leave you with this recent video of Elijah... (don't forget to turn off the music before you play the video so you can hear Elijah's laughter.)

A Week Without Wheat

I have done the seemingly impossible. I have removed wheat from my diet. Why, you ask?  Because it is time to get serious about returning my body to it's pre-baby status (or something very similar to it...). And, I needed a plan. The plan is this:

1) Follow a diet plan that can become a lifestyle plan. I'm not yet sure if this could be that, but I am giving it my all. My diet/lifestyle plan is from "Eat Right For Your Type" by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo.  For my blood type, wheat is supposed to be very, very bad.  Since it is also the bulk of my daily calories and the evil temptress in my life (read: chips, tortillas, bread, crackers and all things carbo-goodness that I crave), it makes perfect sense that cutting it out will probably help me drop the last few baby pounds and get my flat stomach back.  Well, at least I hope it makes perfect sense, because it is step one of my plan.

2) Exercise daily- aiming for only 1 day off. My attendance in yoga class was non-existent for almost 2 months due to a knee injury.  Luckily, my knees seem to be back to normal.  (A new hip muscle pull is making walking and running painful, so I have to hold back on those, but strangely enough yoga isn't aggravating it at all.) So, I am back to yoga, aiming for at least 3 days a week. I'm still teaching ballet 2 days a week, so that just leaves 1 day a week to throw in something fun to change it all up. 

3) The formerly 5-minutes-of-abs-a-day (that I wrote about last week), has been bumped to 8-minutes-of-abs-a-day in addition to whatever other exercise I do. I'm getting stronger, finding some good playlists to put on my ipod and buckling down, because Holly Perkins says spot training can work! (More about Holly in a moment...) My goal is to get strong enough to do 15-minutes-of-abs-a-day.

4) Drink less.  I'll admit, I love a glass of wine with dinner...or two or three, if dinner is with family or friends.  But, the reality is that it is empty calories and on me, they go straight to my belly. So, I'm limiting myself to wine 2x's a week.  For me that's limiting, yet possible. :)

5) Whenever I feel unmotivated or ready to crack, look at the "Before" pictures I took of myself in a bikini this week. Sobering.  Perhaps I'll consider posting them once the "After" photos are so blindingly gorgeous that it won't matter.  Perhaps not. We'll see...

6) Follow my friend, Holly Perkins, on her Facebook page "Holly Perkins Fitness". Holly has a B.S. in Exercise Physiology and Nutrition from Penn State University, is an Exercise TV Celebrity Trainer, and is the official Fitness Ambassador to New Balance. Plus, she has started the "Holly 40 Body Project" in which she takes her already fit body and disciplines herself to get into the best shape of her life by her 40th birthday in December.  Holly has given more useful tips than I can count! She is inspiring and is helping to keep me motivated.  If you're on FB, click "like" to follow her progress and get tips you can use to help motivate yourself.


Now, for those of you who know me and are wondering why I am going to all of the trouble, because you think I look great? I say, Thank you.  (Really- some have asked, Why the trouble?) The answer is: I have goals for myself and I don't like being limited by what I can wear.  I have always had the philosophy that it is easier to try to lose 5 pounds, than 40.  Because before kids I looked great, and I know what it takes and how far I am from that.

My week without wheat was great.  I still had many, many choices among delicious things to eat.  I used Ezekiel bread when I needed a bread fix (since Ezekiel bread is sprouted wheat, the bad part of the wheat is supposedly killed in the sprouting process...) I ate more fresh fruits and vegetables than I have...maybe even in my lifetime. I had salmon and sole and ahi tuna, I made delicious greek salads, spinach salads, and even though I was very limited if we were out to eat, I didn't feel completely restricted either. I'm feeling a change happening, and even though I don't weigh myself, or even own a scale (old ballet neurosis come up), I can feel things changing in my body. 

I also have one additional motivation...my kids. More specifically, Elijah.  Elijah has therapies three times a week to help combat some of the effects of his extra chromosome, largely the low muscle tone that he has.  Elijah will always have to work harder and longer to get what comes naturally, and even easily, to others.  I don't have the kind of limitations he does. That makes me feel like I could be and should be taking full advantage of this strong and capable body I was given.  That it isn't just about being good enough, it's about treating it right and working it hard.  My hope is that because my boys will grow up with an active and fit Mother, that they will always strive for that themselves.  That it will be normal to have exercise be a part of daily life.  That it takes work to get our bodies to do what we want - regardless of our strengths or limitations. 

Now, every time I finish a yoga class- after I have been challenged beyond what I thought was possible- I close my eyes and I thank God for my strength, for my ability, and for the ease with which I am able to move.  I never really thought about that before Elijah.  It was more, That felt great. Glad it is over. How peaceful I feel now. The depth of gratitude I feel for the simple ability to be able to walk into a yoga class and try every pose is humbling. Because now I know, first hand, that it is just not like that for everyone. 

"I choose to be GRATEFUL, not HURTFUL.
I choose to be BETTER, not BITTER.
I choose to be CONTENT, not CRITICAL.
I choose to be ATTENTIVE, not INDIFFERENT.
I choose to live WELL, not just LIVE." ~ Author Unknown
 

Summertime

Nothing and everything has been happening around our house lately.  The last couple of weeks have actually felt something akin to a summer vacation--which is odd, because I am still working and as busy as ever.  However, the ways in which we have been spending our free time seem more luxurious and lazy- taking advantage of all that summer brings with it.  We hit the beach for the first time this year (twice in one week!) with a group of friends- sun, sand, yummy picnic lunches, faces filled with unencumbered joy at the sight of the crashing waves and endless opportunities for sand and rock architecture.







On our first visit to the beach, we were hosted by friends who were renting a beach house in Malibu.  We over took the small, private beach in front of the property and I was momentarily mortified to see Charles walk down to the beach with a giant garden shovel.  Oh boy... But then, he made his magic...such a big part of why I love him...he got in there with all of the kids and built a giant sand structure.  A true sand Castle.





One of the greatest joys and opportunities of becoming a parent is the chance to, in a small way, re-live childhood.  The chance to see everything new again from a child's eyes.  The chance to show your children the really, really cool things that they haven't ever experienced and seeing firsthand how that experience lands on their faces and imprints onto their hearts. It is a gift, to be sure.

Elijah enjoyed his first beach experience.  He didn't mind the sand (even when he face-planted into it), and took the feel of the waves on his feet in stride.  After a morning that was already filled with an OT appointment before our beach trip, it was time for his nap. And boy was he ready.  ....Nothing like a 2 hour snooze at the beach (in the comfort of his pack and play and the cool air conditioning of our friends' rental property)!



Though I was left with a halter tankini sunburn (which Charles insists is kind of sexy...in a 70's-tan-lines kind of way...) it was a refreshing and fantastic way to kick off summer.  The beach temperatures were perfect- 75 and 80 degrees, respectively, and it was a welcomed escape from the searing temperatures in the valley that were tipping toward 100.


Since it was so hot in the Valley, we decided to skip town for the 4th of July weekend...to Palm Springs!! Haha....anyone who knows Palm Springs, knows to avoid it around this time of year, as the temperatures can make the valley seem like a cool breeze on an island shore.  We got lucky, though.  The temperatures were no higher than what we would have experienced at home, and instead of the regular drill of being at home we were spoiled by someone else doing all of the cooking (Thanks to my Foodie/Caterer friend, Larissa!!!), lingering hours in the pool and the chance to read books!  I actually finished an entire book in less than 24 hours.  It was so good--both the book (A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan) and the fact that I had enough time to indulge in reading something cover to cover! Charles, our friend Adam, and Christian took advantage of the golf course and set out in the golf cart for some Chip and Putt. (During which, Christian took his first solo ride in the golf cart, much to Charles and Adam's surprise...)




We fashioned a little safety situation so Elijah could sit without worry on the tile floors...no bonking the noggin with this get-up...





Christian was loving the water, and donned every possible floatation device at our disposal!!



Elijah experienced the pool for the very first time.  Though he looks pensive in these shots, he really seemed to enjoy it.  His eyes were a little sensitive to the sunlight, so he seemed most bothered by the brightness. But he splashed and kicked with our assistance around that pool, enjoying every minute.  He didn't stay in very long, as it seemed to really wear him out...and I have never seen a baby "prune up" faster in my life.  Don't know if it's just his extra sensitive skin or a ramification of an additional chromosome, but he was pruned and done within 10 minutes! :)





All my boys together....in their little bucket hats...



We got back home just in time for fireworks, but I was exhausted and it was Elijah's bedtime, so Charles loaded Christian into his truck and took him to the local fireworks up the street.  Christian has loved fireworks every year- talks about how soon it is until we get to see them again.  This year, however, he was terrified.  He wanted to leave five minutes after the show started. As it turned out, he was pretty exhausted too, and I think that didn't help the fireworks experience.  He was out like a light 30 seconds after Charles started the engine to bring him home.

We're back in the groove of life, but have some new goals and continued plans for sucking the life out of summer:
Goal #1: Finish Medi-Cal application! (Elijah was finally approved by our Regional Center for Medi-Cal coverage. Now I just have to fill out the 14 page document and somehow provide financial information from the cumulatively 50+ sources that Charles and I make our livings by...)
Goal #2: Get the pre-baby body back.  Time to get serious about Goal # 2--40 is looming and I am over this baby bulge that has taken up residence on my abdomen!  My strategy?: 5 minutes of non-stop abs a day- at least.  (I used to do this regularly when I was dancing professionally...and sporting a "six-pack".)  I don't need to be back at 6 pack abs, but I want the still-looking-about-4-months-pregnant-belly to be gone.  Adding to my "5 minutes abs", are a few dietary changes that I'm trying out.  I'm taking a few cues from "Eat Right For Your (Blood) Type)", even though I formerly scoffed at the idea of the plan.  I can no longer ignore the number of people (with near perfect bodies) who rave about the results.  So, I am saying a temporary goodbye to chicken and tomatoes, which are two of my favorites, but happen to be on my list of foods that are destructive to my body type.  The good news is that goat cheese happens to be a desirable food for my body type--Woo Hoo! There is some hope...
Goal #3: Continue our garage and home organization efforts.  We have been making progress.  It sometimes seems infinitesimal, but it is happening and so we plug along...
Goal #4: Maintain a positive mental attitude...like the one that allowed me to buy a zebra print tankini online yesterday.  I feel so empowered by this purchase...and yet, the reality is that I have not tried it on yet.  So...if I do, and it's traumatizing, I can always send it back.  There is always the "Miracle Suit", right??!

Our upcoming plans involve water playdates, our 7 year wedding anniversary date, buying a new slip and slide (And I am proud to announce the destruction of one, yellow and blue slip and slide...because one little man and one large man in my family were doin' it the way it should be done!  I'm proud, in a we-are-making-no-excuses-and-using-up-life kind of way!), Girls' getaway to the Spa, more beach trips, Dance Recital, and much, much more!

I'd love to hear what fun your summer has brought you, and what's in store!!