"I'm hungry."
(Great.) The teacher looked at me and said, "Did he eat?" I don't think my voice could've gone any higher. "YES! Of course, he had breakfast!" So, she turned back to him and said, "Would you like some crackers?" He said, (sniff, sniff) "Yeah, crackers..." So, we said the I love yous, and the See you laters while the teacher led him away to get some crackers. We stood outside the classroom talking to some other parents I know, and about 5 minutes later, the teacher peeked her head out and said, "He's doing better already."
The ride home was bittersweet. I want him to succeed and be independent in life, but I also feel like my baby doesn't need me as much anymore. I got about 1/4 of a block away and started bawling. Charles said, "What's the m....oh...Christian." Yeah. Christian. We were back promptly 45 minutes later to pick him up (It was a shortened "transition" day.) He was sitting in a circle with the other kids on a little mat that looked like a doormat. When he saw me, his whole face lit up and they started singing the "Goodbye Christian" song. Then he gave his mat to the teacher and came running to me. (Oh, heart.) He said he had fun and I decided not to push talking about when he would go back.
My handsome preschooler on his very first day of preschool:
As if the day wasn't momentous enough, Christian also started in his first Boys (Aged 3-5) Hip Hop Class!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Can you tell who is really excited about this?) Little boys doing Hip Hop is akin to the little girls putting on tutus for me. There really couldn't be anything cuter. Except maybe babies in furry animal costumes at Halloween. Or little ones holding hands. But, it's right up there. I became THAT Mom. The Mom that can't sit down and frequently (and without warning) shouts out (in the 5x5 waiting area outside the studio): "Ohmigosh!! They are sooo cute!!" The Mom that is blocking everyone's view of their kids, because she is taking pictures from every angle of the picture window. No one else seemed as excited as I was. Why not?? Was this not a new class for their boys? I realize that my background as a dancer and my job as a dance teacher might possibly make this especially, and uniquely, exciting for me, and I held my breath during his class (except for when I was spontaneously shouting)...because it won't be any fun if he doesn't like it. I got to live out my dreams of being a professional dancer, so I don't need my kids to live that dream for me. Still...everytime that music played, he bopped. Maybe not always the exact way the teacher was showing them, but he liked the music and he liked moving his body. And his "beat boy" poses were the bomb...
The weekend continued on a high note with Saturday delivering the "New Families BBQ" thrown by the Down Syndrome Association of Los Angeles (DSALA). Now...I mean NO disrespect here at all, but the "Association" for Down syndrome in Los Angeles is still just a gathering of maybe 25 families who have a baby under 3 years old with Down syndrome, who all fit nicely into the President of the DSALA's backyard. 1 in 733 babies born with Down syndrome each year. We're not pulling in big numbers. I'm just sayin...But it was the largest gathering of babies with DS and their families that I have been around. It was a tad overwhelming. Mostly in a good way, I think. I saw new friends I've been connecting with- some primarily online due to distance and some in person. I met a few new families that were super cool and who I hope we get to know better. And I met a couple of people who are still adjusting to this new world they've been thrust into. I, personally, was grateful to have the shock behind me and in a place where I'm just loving my sweetie little baby boy, who is becoming quite the flirt with his full-body activated smiles. Scooob-i-Lijah!
Sunday saw a Book Club gathering of ladies that I volunteered to host this time around. We got into some deep discussion, there were tears, hot topics of some debate and of course, wine and food. I wrapped up the evening feeling so blessed to be included with a group of women who search to be intellectually stimulated, but who can relate to me on many "mom" levels (since all have kids around the same ages). I only wonder if how I have been effected by Down syndrome will effect those friendships? Maybe for the better...maybe not in some cases...I do know that I am forever changed. I am forever changed in my thinking. I am forever changed in how I feel. And I can't go back. What I used to think and feel was all I knew at the time, but my world turned upside down in the most unexpected way and I re-evaluated who I am and how I want to be in this world. I sometimes wonder if that will become too much for others. I mean, no one wants to hear You just don't know, what you don't know. It's annoying. I remember a super-close friend telling me while I was pregnant with Christian, that I couldn't know what it was like to be a Mother, until you really are one. No amount of explaining, or describing or use of analogies will accurately capture it. Turns out, she was absolutely RIGHT. It was still annoying, though... :) Hopefully my book club friends and everyone else, for that matter, can know that life got colored in just a little bit brighter when Elijah came into it. The color and the passion got dialed up just a little. My strength of conviction on certain things became a lot clearer, because they are now a part of my personal life. It's a lot. Hopefully, it's a lot, but in a good way, because as I said, I am forever changed and I can't go back.
And I can't go back on the million calories I consumed on these cakes:
Monday arrived quickly and the reality of Christian being a full-fledged preschooler started setting in. All night I had nightmares about forgetting that Christian had preschool, then forgetting to pick him up from preschool...then, strangely it merged to me forgetting to pick up Buddy from doggie daycare and he had to spend the night there. In the morning, (in my dream) the doggie daycare people told me I was going to have to sign up for automatic monthly withdrawls for doggie daycare since I didn't show up. I woke up feeling terrible. I felt terrible that I had a dream about Buddy, who has been gone for 5 months now, and that I am having nightmares about forgetting my dead dog and my son. Needless to say, our morning ran ship-shape. We (just Christian, Elijah and I this time) made our way through the preschool office with our orange name tag and a quick high five, then into the classroom. I made a quick getaway this time. Luckily, the teacher met us at the door, as I said, "I love you sweetie- I'll see you in just a little bit." The teacher shuttled him into the classroom with no tears and I thought, That wasn't so bad. I put Elijah back in the car, got in myself and said, "Well, it's just you and me, Elijah"....and burst into tears. Again. The damn tears. I just honestly don't expect them. I've left Christian plenty of times at drop-in daycare and I've never once cried. This just feels different...and more final. This is it- he's in school now for the long haul. And it's Change. Change is hard for me sometimes. I got home and for awhile the house was so quiet that I didn't know what to do with myself. I finally pulled it together and got a ton of work done. This school thing might not be so bad after all... My dream was all about my anxiety of Christian starting preschool and the change of schedule that comes along with it, but one thing seems fairly certain...I will not be forgetting to pick my son up.
I was 5 minutes early.
1 comment:
Wow, I did not know that there were Hip Hop classes for little boys! What an adorable little guy he is!
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