Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Struggle

Why is it that when you start a day off on the wrong foot, it seems impossible to avoid the rest of the day from becoming a complete dump?  Yesterday was one of those days- despite my best efforts to "reset" and move on.  Today isn't faring so well either... Instead of becoming a broken record of woes, I'll remind myself that Struggle can't be avoided. No matter who you are. No matter how "zen" you try to make yourself.  I'll remind myself that it has been through the struggle, that true clarity and growth has happened.  Now, my yesterday and today struggles are all little things: waking up late and running 10 minutes behind for the rest of the day, a pissed off client, a lost ipod, a rude customer service guy while trying to pay mortgage (Not sure anything makes my blood boil more...), etc. However, it's often the little things that get under your skin the most. It's on days like this that I need to counter with the things that calm me down and set my world back on it's axis.  Focusing on my kids is the quickest way to Now.  Kids just live in the moment.  They may anticipate big events and look forward to them, but basically, they are in the moment. Right now.  When did it become so hard to stay in the now?  When did we begin to need things like yoga in our life to bring us back to center? When we got married? Bought a house?  Had a kid?  It's happened so gradually over time that I can't recall when or how it got so difficult to lie on the floor and just be.  My mind races a million miles a second of what I need to be doing, what I haven't done, mortgage, taxes, insurance, school, how to be a better Mom, how to be a better Wife, how to be a better person...  I find myself connecting with friends on Facebook often.  It may seem out of the blue to state that, but the reason is this: There is comfort in knowing that I'm not alone, and that I'm not the only one who struggles, or has a bad day, or has a beautiful day that I just have to share.  Social network has it's own problems, I know.  But to know that Thea has a headache, or Lori's baby boy is rolling over, or that Kathy was finally able to upload all of her photos is a small gift of the everyday.  The idea that we are all in it together.

While I'm struggling to remain in the present, my boys just are.  As a result, I get surprised by what they're learning and what new tasks they're accomplishing.  We had a phenomenal week with Elijah again.  This little guy is on a roll.  In addition to working on pulling to a stand, pointing, and sitting strongly now, he also shocked and surprised me with pointing out prompted body parts.  I knew that he knew where my nose was, but I threw in "eyes" and he pointed right to them, then I said "mouth"- pointed right to it, "head"- pointed right to it.  We hadn't even been specifically working on these things!! (Call it second time Mommy brain--I sometimes completely forget all of the little things I obsessively worked on with Christian, and then think "Oh yeah- I should show Elijah how to high five."--which he does, BTW.) :) We also finally got the clearance to add an additional day of Physical Therapy.  So now he'll have PT twice a week, OT once a week and the Child Development Therapist once a week.  I have been pushing for more PT, because that is where he's furthest behind.  It's all good...he'll eventually "get there".

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Climbing into cubby spaces and standing up!

Christian is becoming a little man in his own right.  He asks the most interesting questions- ones that are challenging to explain.  Like "How do the telephone poles work?"  Yikes!  I barely know, and then to realize that there is a whole other system designed to make cell phones work, and do I explain that too??...Keep it simple, Jen. Keep it simple. After I finish my explanation, he usually says (while his eyes show him processing the information), "Oh.  I see."  Really??  :)  You do??  He and I have had a good week- I got to take him rollerskating for the first time with a couple of friends as a fundraiser for his preschool and I gave him his first haircut with a pair of clippers. (I have always cut his hair- with scissors- and thought I should try the clippers but was just too nervous. Thanks to a new clipper set from my Grandmommie, I took the plunge!)

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Does the boy know how to take a great "before" and "after" picture, or what??!

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First skates, with friend, Abby

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Considering the rink...

I will continue to take a time out from work to sit and play on the floor with my kids and be reminded  of what life was like before the endless swirl of events started happening in my head, I will continue to make it a priority to get to my yoga practice- both for the physical benefits, but also for the mental practice of being in the moment, and I will continue to struggle- sometimes despite my best efforts.  Maybe I'll even update my Facebook status.  Perhaps it should read:

Jennifer Garrett-Currier is.
(Underline, italic and bold the IS.)
Too bad Facebook doesn't have an underline, italic or bold feature.  You know this Mama likes to use them...

4 comments:

thea said...

Well said. Hope the week gets better. Running and a roadside barf helped the headache! When all else fails, one foot in front of the other always gets me where I'm going :)

Becca said...

LOL - I agree with you about the bold, underline and italics deficiency in FB. :-) Sorry this week's been off to a rough start, but hope it gets smoother! Your boys are just so handsome - just looking at those sweet photos has give me a huge smile today!!

Congrats on the extra day of PT, btw! Anything we can throw at our kids is so worth it!

Kathy said...

I don't know when it happened or if I've always been this way, but I'm constantly thinking about the future or the past. But, finding my inner zen is definitely harder now that the kids are in the picture. Getting things accomplished seems tougher and tougher. Even when it's just moving all my files to another hard drive! :) But one HUGE benefit to all this for me is that I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I actually do get things done. Baby steps... today the files, tomorrow the WORLD! LOL! Great post Jen. Thanks for always making me think and sharing a piece of who you are...

Chris P-M said...

Wow, are your boys ever handsome! I haven't popped by for a while, and I'm smiling to see Elijah looking so happy and handsome :).

I totally get what you're talking about in your post. I struggle daily with this! We need reminders to self-nurture and have mandatory destressing times. It's part of our jobs! (I think our kids benefit from having happier and more well-adjusted mommies.)

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