I'll start with the proof: Elijah is scooting. With intent. He is motivated and he gets pissed when he can't get what he wants. (Be sure to scroll to the bottom of the page to pause the music, or turn down your volume so you don't get clashing music and video narrating.)
The week has been really big for Elijah- a new tooth, improved mobility, signing "All done" (although still a little inconsistently) and catching a cold. We saw our PT today, who was amazed and impressed with Elijah's new scooting skills since she saw him last week. I wonder if our therapists knew going into their jobs that they would become part physical or occupational therapist and part psychotherapist. Maybe other parents aren't like this, but I feel like I can tell them anything. And do. Our PT today was just lucky I didn't start crying. I have been so emotional the past couple of days- feeling like I could (and sometimes do) just break out into sobs. It's probably just hormones because most things aren't really that big of a deal, but I feel like a lot is getting under my skin.
Christian's preschool had their Mother's (and Grandmother's) Day program today. Christian's class had us each make a "memory rock" by decoupaging a picture of our child, and words like "Home", "Happiness" and "Love" onto a smooth stone. When we first arrived, Christian seemed fired up to do the rock project, but about one decoupage in, he was ready to go play outside. On the outside playground there were little flower pots that the kids could decorate and plant a flower in, and then add soil and water. My pot got no decoration- not a single sticker- but he did want to plant a flower, so I took that as a good sign. Once the flower was planted, he was pretty much done with me. He ran to the water table and never looked back. I was bummed. He seemed like he could care less that I was there. I went back to go check out the hand print Mom project each student had completed. It was a painted impression of Christian's hand. At the tip of each finger was a statement about Mommy that came off the finger like a ray of sun. Christian said this about me:
Her favorite color is green. (Nope. HIS favorite color is green. Mine is actually aqua blue.)
She smells like Tacos. (This might actually be true. I do love tacos and make them frequently.)
I like to sleep with her. (While a slightly startling sentence to read, it does warm my heart a little, because he rarely sleeps with us, and only has for a nap or two here and there when I've been desperate for some sleep.
I like to eat with her. (Okay. That is actually true- he likes picking out his chair and mine at lunch and dinner time.)
Her favorite food is peanut butter and jelly. ( One guess as to whose favorite food that really is? Not mine.)
My friend Katherine was reading along with me and she said, "I think he might have been hungry when they asked him these questions." Yeah...I'm thinkin' that's probably true.
I made my way back to the water table where Christian was still entranced and stood by, unnoticed. My inner monologue was saying, Grab some buckets and play with him. But I was just feeling let down. Getting words of affection out of this kid is never an impromptu situation. The only I love you's I get is when I ask for them. I know Christian loves me- there is no doubt. While he doesn't look at me with quite the same adoration that Elijah does, he still has this special "I love my Mom" look. But, still...It's nice to hear it every once in awhile. Maybe in time...
I've had a rough week. As I said, it might just be hormones, but I'm feeling a little frustrated by life...like I'm failing across the board. My patience is definitely short these days, and I feel like my kids end up the victims of that. I can't even contribute it to any one thing, but I guess I just needed to say that I'm fighting this week. Fighting to not feel pulled down. Fighting to get back to some balance with my patience and tactics with my boys. Fighting to remain optimistic about the bigger, tougher issues in life (Taxes, Health insurance changes, Getting Medi-Cal for Elijah...) Fighting to not totally curl up into a ball. Sigh. So, I think I'll keep this post brief, with the upshot being Elijah's cute little scootin' patootie. Even when I'm bummed out, just the thought of that little guy makes me smile.
Funny reality check of the week: I had just gotten into the car with my boys, was heading out and was running exactly on time, when only a block away from our house, I was gridlocked in some stupid traffic nonsense. I got a little road rage-y, and Christian says from the backseat (in the voice of a teenager) "It's okay Mommy! Calm down." It was a wake up call. I took a deep breath, stopped the car at the stop light, turned around to look at Christian, put my hand on his knee and said, "You're right sweetie. Thank you." He was very proud of himself, and then seemed to think that the words "Calm Down" have magic powers....I don't know, maybe they do...