I've got a lot on my mind. So much, in fact, that I haven't known where to begin - in writing or even with friends. It has certainly been a "season" for me. Less than 3 months ago, we lost our friend Steve, randomly and suddenly. In early May, my friend Trycia lost her 6 year battle with cancer. Then, less than 2 weeks ago, a young boy- only 12 years old- who I looked up to as an ambassador with Down syndrome, died in his sleep. Wedged between his two loving parents. Not even 24 hours after a seemingly clean bill of health from his cardiologist. This boy was so smart, so full of life, so much of what every parent hopes for in having a child. Yes- he had that pesky extra chromosome, which does in many cases, carry with it extra risk factors. For Timmy, the extra risk factors came with some heart problems. I cried so hard upon hearing the news. I cried and then called Sarah, who has become a close friend- originally we met because our youngest sons both have Down syndrome- but we bonded more over a wide variety of common interests. Sarah hadn't heard the news yet, and so we cried together. It has been a season. What came to me recently though, is just how blessed I was to know these people. Two were friends, one was a shining example of how much "life" my youngest son still has to live. My heart has been heavy and yet, daily, I am struck by this overwhelming sense that everything will be alright.
This weekend, I had to travel to Las Vegas- for work and for pleasure, as I was hired to coordinate a friend's wedding. The "work" part had it's challenges, but the pleasure part was oh so sweet, as I brought my little family with me. It was such a pleasure to see a close friend get married and have this beautiful, supportive energy of love surrounding her and her new husband. We drove to Vegas, accompanied by the shouts of "Road Trip, Baby!!" from Christian, who has no idea that those words may be a sentence he shouts for years, and years to come. It was part work, part relaxation and part renewal. Now is the time for me to embrace the next season and I'm ....trying. The next season is summer, and I can't imagine anything more healing than days of sunshine, watermelon, playing with the boys in the water, lots of yoga (thanks to a slightly reduced work schedule) and many memories in the making.
I still have no idea where Christian will go to Kindergarten next school year (although, I went ahead and bought all of the appropriate 'dress code' clothes for my favorite school for Christian...you know: "Just in case".) These days, the season needs to be of my choosing: I choose each day to remain positive about the school situation. I choose to look forward to the next season of summer instead of remaining too long in the sadness of a season where I lost people I love and look up to. I choose a new day..each day. And sometimes I fail. I've learned that "failing" is sometimes okay. Failing is sometimes even necessary. The important thing is getting back up and choosing something positive again the next day. It's a process.
For now, that's all I've got. It's a process. And that is. okay.