Saturday, July 10, 2010

Thrown





















Have you ever seen a movie where someone is focused on something while crossing a street- maybe waving to a friend or rushing to catch up to a lover and then....a bus mows them down in the middle of the street? The audience gasps. Audibly. Because it's shocking, and horrible, but mainly shocking, because like the character in the movie, you were focused on the waving friend or retreating lover. You weren't focused on the bus, and so you don't expect the character to be hit. It would be overly dramatic for me to say that I feel like I got hit by a bus when I wasn't looking, but I do feel a little side-swiped. This is why: On Thursday we had Elijah's first evaluation by a social worker from our local Regional Center to start assessing what therapies would be necessary for him. The appointment, overall, went really well. The social worker seemed thorough, nice and very informative. At this point it looks like he is starting off with a recommendation of Occupational therapy once a week. We set some goals for Elijah to achieve and I feel a little better that the ball is rolling and that we have clear, solid goals to achieve. However, in the middle of our evaluation, Christian (who had been playing in the backyard with my sister-in-law) came in and interrupted us with some chit chat about playing with the water outside. He said about 2 sentences and then went back outside for more water play. The social worker turned to me and said, "Have you ever had your son evaluated by a speech therapist? His clarity should be a lot better by this age." I sort of felt the blood drain from my face. Because there can't be anything wrong with Christian. There just can't. Even worse was the feeling of How did I miss this? Is there even something to miss? This is coming from left field. Was I focusing so much on Elijah, because of the Down syndrome that I missed the fact that my precious firstborn might need some help too? The social worker said, "Many parents miss speech delays because they are around their child all of the time and can understand them." So, now I'm thinking and re-thinking about every last syllable that Christian mutters. He's 3 years and 2 months and his L's do sound like Y's. Is that normal? My brain has been going a mile a minute since Thursday. I hadn't noticed him being much further down the chain of development from his other friends his age. Everyone I have talked to about it has tried to assure me Christian is fine and will be fine. If he has any type of speech delay, we can get him a little help and then he'll move past it. That's all. I know they're right. I know that I shouldn't worry, but I simply can't help it. He is my baby and will always be my baby and my job is to help him grown and thrive, feel loved, feel safe. I'm in a bit of a mental cul-de-sac. It's been 2 days since the social worker was here and I'm starting to relax a little bit but it is still occupying much of my mind. More than anything, I just feel a little thrown. I didn't see this coming at all. I have decided that nothing drastic needs to be done right away. I will mention it to our Pediatrician and see what he says. Next week there will be a speech therapist at our Friday play group and I may send an email to see if it would be appropriate to get her assessment on it. Other than that, we have a lot of summer to get to.

Since I lasted blogged, I had a great girls night out in honor of a good friend's birthday (complete with margaritas and the new Twilight series movie. Don't judge.), we celebrated the 4th of July (BBQ with friends in the am and then fireworks with family at night) and welcomed Charles' sister from the East Coast (Yay! Marilyn!). It has been a very full week, culminating to today, our 6 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe that it has been 6 years already...and we've actually been together for close to 10 years. Where did the time go? I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. This year has been tough on us- a true rollercoaster ride- a challenging year for Charles' work in the entertainment industry, a pregnancy, a back yard makeover by HGTV, shocking news that our baby Elijah has Down syndrome, Elijah's birth, a short NICU stay, the end of transitional Mommy and Me preschool for Christian..Phew! The most amazing part about my hubby is that through it all, I've never had to doubt him. I never worry that things will get rough and he'll threaten or doom the relationship. If we have a fight, we get over it. And we find the funny laugh-until-you-cry things too. I can truly trust that Charles is in this for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and because of that, I get to be ME. I feel safe to really feel in life. I don't have to pretend or hide my true feelings about anything. This, to me, is the definition of True Love. True Love accepts, as-is, with all of the warts and wrinkles that life throws our way... We celebrated our anniversary with a great Sushi dinner, foot massages and a frozen yogurt treat- all sans kids (thanks to my rockin' SIL.) It was just a little cherry on top of what makes me happiest: that Charles loves me, I love him, we have two beautiful boys and I don't have to worry that that won't be enough. It's more than enough. It's everything.

1 comment:

Marjan said...

Beautiful!

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